


A Traitorous Heart

by ChrysanthemumVow



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon Disabled Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Changing Feelings, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Hate to Love, Investigations, Kissing, Language, M/M, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Post-Ketsu, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Rehabilitation, Rimming, Rough Kissing, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Smoking, Wheelchairs, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrysanthemumVow/pseuds/ChrysanthemumVow
Summary: Shizuo is on a suspension from work when Shinra is asking him for a favour which he unwillingly accepts. It leads him to the unknown city of Utsunomiya where he is supposed to work for someone in need of help. He gets angry when he realises who this employer of his is and also the employer himself is having troubles in a situation he hasn't even think of.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aquarell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquarell/gifts).



> Hello,  
> This is my first fanfiction which I decided to publish. I hope you will like it ^^  
> The story takes places after the Izaya novels and you can find some of the characters from the novels here. I'm trying to keep myselft to the original characteristics of the characters, but a few ooc may happen.  
> Please feel free to comment, I would be honoured to know what you think about my writing. It also could be helpful to polish my skills on writing :)

It started as one of the shittiest days Shizuo had after Izaya went missing and was out of his life as a potential source of frustration leading to outward violence. Which he was more or less able to pull under control once he was saved from the other’s presence. It was odd to be this jittery after quite a while. And on top of that as a rare occurance nowadays his thoughts wondered about the aforementioned pest of an informant. In the first few weeks after his disappearance his nerves was constantly on edge thinking that the flea would appear out of the blue to annoy him or try to kill him as it was his intention the last time they met. But after a while of no-show he was more and more convinced that Izaya was dead. He didn’t know about the degree of his injuries but the fact that he was out of his sight seemed to justify that intuition. He felt relieved at first. He had the peace of mind he has been yearning for at last. The air of the city cleared off the toxic miasma the informant spread while he was there. He started to mend his anger management problems which was a great deal of relief for Tom. The mockery smirk of Orihara Izaya faded from his consciousness until it did not left a mark and he didn’t think about it at all until that interview came. 

It was somehow a bit unsettling. He didn’t know why would anyone want to ask him about Orihara Izaya when he’s no more in the city or at least noone heard about him for a long time. He was thankful that he didn’t even waste a thought on the flea anymore so he refused to speak out his mind. But the interviewer didn’t let him off the hook. The idea that maybe, just maybe Izaya is still alive and about occured to him. It stirred a wide variety of emotions within him, some of those are disturbing enought to feel the need to supress them as much as he can. On the one hand he felt his blood pressure sky-rocketing as in the times he spotted the other at an intersection or on the streets of Ikebukuro from where he banned him on his own volition. On the other hand, strange enough, he felt as a big burden had been lifted off his shoulders. As the survival of that damned jerk annulled the presumed murder he commited. Supposing the cause of his death was the harm he inflicted and not from the blade Vorona planted into his side. Although the sense of guilt didn’t touch him before the proposal to an interview, somewhere deep down he felt like acquitted of the charge of murder. This duality of nervousness and relief was something he couldn’t make terms with. He tried to expel the though out of his mind and never ever think about it again. His life was way more better without the flea, he was thinking about living a life devoid of him is the best thing he can wish for. So just for good measure he indirectly warned Izaya to stay out of Ikebukuro.  


A long time has passed since the interview and he forgot about him again until this very day. Maybe it is because he and Tom visited a debtor today who was brave and dumb enough to attack him with a switchblade in hand. It stirred up memories better left untouched and the flames of anger and hatred flared up again within him developing into a roaring fire. By the time Tom was squeeking his name to get Shizuo to return to reason he already see dazzling white anger and his fist swung down right into the face of the delinquent. Blood splattered into the air as the guy flown across the hall of his own apartment right into the kitchen where he was planted into the cupboard showering cups onto his unconscious form. Tom sighed deeply before saying ”You better go home for today. I have to clean up this mess somehow.” which was enough to make him back to his senses at last. He felt really bad about the problems he caused to his boss and was aware of being fired this time for sure, but he had luck on his side to be only on suspense from work for a while.

”I suggest you take a rest from work for one or two weeks to reflect on what you did today. I more or less understand why you lost your cool, but you should better control your rage. Forget about the past and try to be reasonable. Maybe you should volunteer for charity work or something to regain your cool.”

This whole thing left him wondering about things. Like in contrast to his own convictions he still haven’t got over with the negative emotions the flea evoked in him. Only a glance to the same type of blade made him losing his mind in searing rage. Made him reliving the same feelings he had while punching him hard shattering the bones into shards under the weight of his fist. He could have even killed their client today sending himself to prison and putting tons of troubles onto the shoulders of his employer. Even years after the flea went missing, he’s still causing trouble to him even in an indirect way. He couldn’t chase the thought of him out of his mind so he was genuinely thankful when his phone rang later in the afternoon and an inquiry came from a friend to drop by at his place when he has the time for it.

These chain of events led him to this place and at the moment Shizuo was sitting on the couch in Shinra’s apartment. He eyed the other man grinning from ear to ear while hopping down onto the sofa right next to him. It was relatively unusual of him to call him over for a chat and his grinning nested an uncomfortable feeling into Shizuo’s chest. He seemed to be in high spirits. Which means something excessively good happened to him and he just wants to convey it in person, but a glance to the fidgeting form of Celty on the other side of the smoking table was enough to reject the idea and building an uneasiness in him. 

”I’m so glad you came, Shizuo! How things are going these days?” Shinra asked from him still grinning.

Shizuo was contemplating how much he should spill about his current state of affairs, and he arrived to the conclusion that he most probably would be speaking about it with Celty later on and Shinra would hear about it sooner or later either way so it’s easier to tell them about it now. 

”Well… to be honest, not quite the way it should be going.” he started.

[Is something bad happened?] asked Celty using her PDA. Although she hasn’t got a face, just looking at her posture was enough to understand she is concerned about him.

”I lost my cool during work today and punched a guy hard in the face. Tom-san recommended me to take a long rest and do some charity work.”

Shinra’s eyes kindled with some odd glint before exclaiming.

”Right the best of all times!”

It sounded rude bursting out like that upon hearing about Shizuo’s problems. A nerve at the corner of the blond’s lips winced on that. 

”To tell you the thruth, I have a favor to ask from you which can distract you from your work. This is why I wanted to meet you today.”

As Shinra didn’t elaborate what he meant by that Shizuo frowned and shot him a troubled look. 

”Would you like some sundae?” Shinra asked suddenly. He jumped up from his seat and rushed to the kitchen to grab a chocolate and strawberry sundae from the fridge. The act deepened the sinister intuition Shizuo had. He took the dessert from Shinra’s offering hand hasitantly.  
Shinra was waiting for him to taste it before going into details. He sat down again and started to explain what he wanted from him.

”You know I have an old friend who is in trouble.” he went on in a chirping tone like he’s having a pleasant afternoon chat about trivial things. 

Shizuo started to wonder about how deep shit the person must be in for Shinra inviting him to his home to speak about it. And offering him sweets no less. He bewared of the worst. 

”He is pursuing a dangerous occupation.”

 _Why I’m not at all surprised to hear about it._ Shizuo left wondering. Shinra had a shady occupation as an underground doctor for himself. Having friends doing business on the darker side of society was not an unusual thing for him at all.

”So…” Shizuo started ”What does it do with me?”  
He was afraid of the answer. The situation didn’t hold out too much good for him. 

”The other day I received a request of support from his side. He has problems he is unable to solve by himself so he needs someone helping him. That’s where you come into the picture!”

Shizuo was still clueless at this point but Shinra didn’t wait for his reaction.

”I would like to ask you to be his bodyguard!”

Shinra was beaming while on the other hand Shizuo chocked on the dessert and left speechless for a moment while he was trying to gather himself. He had to place the sundae onto the table.

”Why should _I_ be the bodyguard of some shady friend of yours?” he bursted out.  
Shinra’s smile died on his lips and with wrinkled eyebrows he tried to smoothen him.

”Because you are my best friend, Shizuo! I can’t ask anyone else to do this work, you know. He needs someone reliable and strong. You are the perfect one to do it!”  
He plastered his dark grey puppy eyes onto the blond while he did his best to convince him. 

”Seriously, I don’t have time for it. I have a job to attend to.” Shizuo backed out of the situation.

”Even though you just said that you are suspended from it.” the doctor pouted.

”Only for a few weeks.”

”Tom-san told you to do some charity work, didn’t he? This is your once in a lifetime opportunity!” Shinra pressed him. 

”No can do.” Shizuo said with finality before glancing to Celty who had been silent for the whole time.  
She was holding onto her PDA before realising Shizuo is waiting for her reaction. She started to type in slow motion.

[Personally I didn’t intend to persuade you, but Shinra has been bugging me to convince you. He is hellbent that he needs you to do it.]  
She seemed somehow apologetic about it.

”It pays pretty well!” Shinra added.  
It cought Shizuo’s attention. He was usually short on money and an additional income sounded reasonable.

”How much?” he asked.

”450 000 JPY for a month.”

Shizuo deadpanned. After recovering from the shock he started to get suspicious.

”Just what exactly is he doing to pay so much for safeguarding his ass?!” he blurted.  
Shinra shined him a secretive smile. 

”I won’t be doing it.” the blond said.

The smile faded again from the doctor’s face and grabbing Shizuo’s hands he persuaded.

”Pretty please? I can’t do much for him myself. Only you can help him.”

Shizuo sighed deeply before gaving in after a while. 

”Ok. I can try.” he said and overlooked Celty’s flinching on her seat upon hearing his decision.

”Where should I go?” he asked.

”Utsunomiya, Tochigi.” Shinra answered plainly.

”Whaaat?!” the blond sprung up from his seat. ”Don’t screw with me! It’s fucking far from here! I can’t do my usual work at the same time!”

Shinra shrugged his shoulders. ”I already told you that it would be a distraction from your present work.”

Shizuo turned the things around in his head before calling Tom and asking for a temporary leave explaining the situation to him. His boss was surprised but was thinking that it can be a good opportunity for Shizuo to learn about caring for someone and maybe voluming down his agressiveness for a bit. He gave him the permission in the end.  
Shinra ensured Shizuo that he will be informing the new employer about his arrival and he gave him the address and a name of contact he should meet there to fill him in with the details. He was still undecided wether it was a sane thing that he accepted this job or not. This employment had an indefinite term contract, he can be away from home for months. Also he didn’t know much about the employer. He had a vague explanation from Shinra from which he understood that this man is a mediator at communication of some sort. Maybe an industrial spy? He had his own guesses but decided to ask the man himself. 

***************************************************

Two days later he went to Ueno station to get on the train bound for Utsunomiya, a big city around 130 km away from Tokyo in the Kanto region. The train ride took one and a half hour with the Utsunomiya Line. He could have board the shinkansen, but he opted for the cheapest solution to get there as he would only receive money after his first week. According to Shinra this job will be paying weekly. Fort he first week he booked a hostel as he didn’t know wether he would be living in the same house with the man he should be guarding or would be living separately. 

While sitting on the train and watching the towns and ricefields passing by in alternation, he was thinking about Shinra’s last words. ”Don’t forget that you’re a bodyguard… a bodyguard. Don’t hurt the subject!” Why did he say these words? Of course he won’t be hurting the one he supposed to guard! He’s not that agressive, dammit. He took a small piece of paper out from his pocket. It has a name, a phone number and an address scribbled onto it. Haruto. So, the subject’s name is Haruto. He didn’t know the surname though. Shinra told him, that this Haruto person already know about his arrival, so he just have to go to the address he received. 

After his arrival, he went to the Weekly Sho Utsunomiya Hostel first to leave his luggage there. It was not so far away from the JR train station so he walked the distance there. When he found it, a six storey grey concrete building welcomed him. It didn’t seem to be a fancy place to stay, but the location was convenient in regards to the station and the address of the employer too. And what was one of the most important things, the price of the room was also reasonable. After checking in he opened the door to his room which has the same unfriendly look of concrete inside, but it was a private room with a cosy bed so he didn’t care less. His home in Ikebukuro was also not the fanciest of all times. He just needed a place to sleep. He had a few minutes before he had to leave but decided that it does not hurt to arrive a few minutes earlier. He left the hostel and walked down the approximately 10 mintues long way to the given address. It was a tall, newly constructed brown building with an elegant entrance nestled into the middle of smaller and plainly looking ones. He could tell by the look that this residental building can easily be one of the priciest in the neighbourhood. You can guess the inside only by checking out the building from the outside. On the other side of the entrance a large lobby stretched welcoming him with bright lighting and a cosy looking leather sofa with table and newspapers. The elevator was on the other side of the lobby. He started in the direction of it nodding to the guard at a small counter on the side. Shizuo sighed internally. This place seemed so different from his own apartment or hostel here. It’s on a totally different level. 

The room number he had on his paper was located on the 14th floor. He was measured the door with uncertain eyes before pushing the bell on the intercom. The door opened and revealed the small frame of a very young boy. He seemed to be in his elementary or junior high school years. 

”Hello…” Shizuo greeted him hesitantly. He was thinking about maybe he got the wrong door. 

”Hello!” the boy greeted him back. ”Are you Heiwajima-san?” he asked.

Shizuo nodded dumbfounded and the boy invited him inside. When he entered and took his shoes off a girl around the same age as the boy appeared in the hall. 

”Who are you?” she asked scrutinizing him maliciously. 

”I’m Heiwajima Shizuo, nice to meet you. A man named Haruto called me here for business.” he answered kindly. 

She agaped at first but collected herself in a few moments and shot an angry look at the boy. 

”Haruto!” she yelled. ”Who is this guy? Why did you call him here?”

The boy seemed to be untouched by the angry outburst of the girl. On the other hand Shizuo was genuinely surprised.

”You’re Haruto?” he asked the obvious. ”I thought you’re an adult.”

He was thinking hard and just realised Shinra never told him, that he is an adult. So this Haruto boy is the subject he has to guard? He is so young! How can he be the friend of Shinra? An old friend at that! And how can a small boy doing dangerous business? His thoughts were a mess. 

”Yup. Nice to meet you.” he answered cheerfully with a wide grin on his face. ”Come on in. Sit down on the sofa. It’s really comfy.”

The girl was eyeing them with a displeased look on her face before storming into one of the rooms with a ”Do as you like!”

The boy, Haruto sat down on the opposite side.

”Kishitani-san called me yesterday and told me that you would help us.”

Shizuo nodded. ”Are you his friend?”

”No, I have never met Kishitani-san, but he is the friend of oniisan.”

”Oniisan?”

”Your employer.”

”I see…” It just sounded reasonable.

”Iz… Oniisan just moved to this town recently and he is still without a bodyguard.”

”I see. I know I already agreed to do the job, but I don’t know much about your oniisan. Is he someone dangerous?”

Haruto laughed out loud. ”Maybe he is. I’m not sure. He’s a nice man. I really respect him! You know, he is so smart and nice! But there are a lot of people who dislike him. I don’t want him to be hurt again.”

”Again?” Shizuo inquired.

”Yes. He’s in a wheelchair. He can’t defend himself like that. Please be nice to him.”

Shizuo looked around in the apartment, but it seemed only the children are living there.

”Where is he right now? Can I meet him today?” he asked. 

”Of course! He’s in the park at this time of the day. You know where the park is? It’s just around the corner! He’s always sitting near the fountain.” he answered energetically.

”How can I recognize him?”

”He’s in a wheelchair! There’s not so many people sitting in a wheelchair in the park!”

”Ummm… okay.” Shizuo started to get confused again. This little boy does not share a lot of information with him. Maybe it’s more effective to go and find his employer first and hear the rest from him. He stood up and went back into the hall to get his shoes. 

”His name is Nakura.” the boy told him once Shizuo was wearing his shoes again. ”Good luck!” he said before tossing him out of the apartment.  
When the door shut, the girl appeared again.

”A bodyguard? Is it something Izaya-oniisan asked for?” she asked sceptically.

”Yup. No. I asked him to hire a bodyguard and told him that I found someone for him.”

”How did you?” the girl frowned.

Haruto went back into the living room sitting down on the sofa with the girl following him.

”I asked for help from someone Izaya-san knows for a long time and this person advised him.” he filled her in.

"I see. Is it someone from Ikebukuro?”

”Yes.”

”Sounds interesting.” she said with a sly smile on her face.

**************************************************

It was quite easy to find the park the boy mentioned to him. It was only a few minutes away from the block. He knew for sure one can see it from the building itself. He thought it will be spacious but in truth it was much more smaller than he imagined. Although from the entrance he couldn’t see any fountains. While he was looking for it, the name Nakura was all in his mind. It rang a bell. Is that the same Nakura from the middle school Shinra attended? Or is it someone else? He didn’t have much time wondering about it as he spotted the fountain in a place surrounded by the trees and a few benches. There were only an old man sitting on one of the benches and a black haired man sitting in a wheelchair showing his back on him a few meters away from the old man. 

”Nakura-san!” he called out to the man, but before he was able to say any more words the wheelchair turned around and the one sitting in it came into view.

The man in the wheelchair was checking something on his smartphone scrolling down the page with a smile on his face before realising someone is calling him Nakura. If he had any doubt that someone was calling him on his alias, the familiar tone left no place for it. He knew this voice better than his own. He heard it so many times in the past. A strong and brazen voice which is calling out ’Iiii~za~ya-kuuun!’ so many times on the streets of Ikebukuro during their heated tag. He is hearing it constantly in the worst of nightmares tormenting him on end. The voice of the beast bareing it’s fangs on him.

Izaya turned his chair to face the source of his nightmares and his phone slipped out of his hand onto his lap while his face went deadly pale distorting into a fear-ridden expression. Heiwajima Shizuo was standing there only a few meters away from him. He was getting a foothold into the concrete while looking blankly at him with disbelief.  
The sight of Izaya’s face thrown him off-balance. He never has imagined that he will be meeting him again in a stuation as weird as it is. The goddamn flea was sitting in a wheelchair in a park waiting for him. Him! He must be the employer, he can’t see anyone else here who can be it. He totally lost it in a minute and started in the direction of his nemesis with an infuriated look on his face. He didn’t notice the fright on the other’s face at all.

Izaya felt the clutches of ice cold fear in his chest and his mind switched off for a moment in absolute panic. A strained yell left his lips, the voice of shapeless terror without the form of a word. He regained his senses afterwards and before the monster was able to reach him, he turned the wheelchair and sped up to reach the far end of the park. 

”Iiii~za~yaaaaa!”

Shizuo chased after him with a growl and blocked the informant’s way in such a sudden motion that Izaya had to pull the break and clench onto the armrest with both of his arms not to drop out of the chair. His phone flown off from his lap and snapped onto the ground with a loud bang. He was confining himself to his chair like his life depended on it. Maybe it was really the case. He raised his head to face the blond towering over him threateningly. 

”Sh… Shizu-chan… What are you doing here?” he asked afraid of the answer. ”Are you here to finish me off finally?”

Shizuo snorted in pure anger before grasping the collar of the trademark coat of him and lifting him up from the safety of his wheelchair. All the colours ran out of Izaya’s face as the leather of his armrest was slipping out of the hold of his trembling fingers. He was held high in the firm grasp of the blond man in bartender clothes glaring daggers at him.

”You dare to ask, you shithead?” he rumbled ”You clearly wanna end up dead you goddamn flea!”

He shook Izaya’s body hard before venting out his rage. The old man who was sitting on the bench frightened by the sight left the park hurriedly leaving the black haired man to his fate.

”I’m fucking kill you for asking me here you bastard! Don’t try to deceive me with the wheelchair!” he brought his other hand up too to throttle the man in his hands. Izaya was trying to get rid of him by clinging onto Shizuo’s sturdy wrists grasping the cuff of his shirt while attempting to lend some kicks with his unruly legs. The pain blown up fireworks in his mind while doing so. He was fighting for his life in despair. 

”Shi…zuo… let me… _please_ …” he coughed.

The blond loosened his deadlock on the collar of his coat and he slipped to the ground with a thud and a cry of pain. He coughed hardly fighting for air with his lungs shrilling. Tears were gathering in his eyes because of the ordeal. The gears in his mind was clicking with the speed of a lightening. Shizuo is here to kill him! He have to flee! 

Izaya while still on the ground on all fours attempted to escape by crawling in the dirt. He couldn’t stand up, his legs were aching like hell and he felt them as good as jelly. He was heaving raggedly letting out an occassional voice close to a silent scream of horror. He was hyperventillating as crazy.

It halted Shizuo for good and he was looking down onto the trembling form of Izaya with creased forehead. Izaya crawled himself up onto the berm of the fountain with all his strength. It was clear that it took a toll on his body. Anyone could tell by looking onto the pained expression on his face and the sweat beading on his forehead. Shizuo glared at him, but in a few moments it hit home that Izaya most likely isn’t feigning. He calmed down a bit. 

Izaya fought himself into a seated position and was looking up at Shizuo panting hard and eyes wide open. The blond took a step forward but the informant’s body flinched as an answer. 

”No! Don’t hurt me!” he screamed in terror holding up his arms to ward the other man off. 

Shizuo halted in his steps. ”Izaya.” he called him trying to supress the edge of his voice. But the other did not heed his words. 

”Oi! Flea!” he yelled in anger for being ignored. It did not do the trick obviously. The raven haired trembled again. 

Shizuo lost his temper and stomped up to him. He slid one of his hands under the crook of Izaya’s knee, while grasping his shoulder with the other one. Although the touch devoided any evil intent, Izaya paniced again shoving his arms into Shizuo’s face.

”Stay off with your hands, dammit!” he yelled while Izaya was screaming ”Put me down!” into his ears.

He brought the other man back to his wheelchair and dropped him into it unceremoniously. Izaya let out a surprised yelp. The blond went up behind the wheelchair and grabbing the handles started to push it in the dircetion of a bench. Izaya turned backwards and looked up into the cold amber-brown eyes shaded by the sunglass. Shizuo had a poker face does not hinting anything about how he feels or what his intentions are and this was more unnerving than the angry countenance he usually had when with the informant. 

”What are you doing?” Izaya asked with a slightly shaking voice ”What are you up to?”

Without an answer Shizuo stopped in front of a bench and passing Izaya’s chair sat down with a thud. He glanced onto the flea with the calm of the sea before a storm. Izaya tried to control the intensity of his breathing fiddling with his arms resting over his lap. His eyes never left Shizuo. After a long and uncomfortable silence Shizuo hooked a cigarette out of his pocket, lighted it and after a long drag he said.

”Now flea you’ll be explaining me why you wanted to lure me here while you’re obviously shitting your pants in fear.” his eyes seemed cold either because of the blue screen of the ever present sunglass or the rigidness of his feelings. 

Izaya was squirming uncomfortably before answering.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never wanted you to come here.”

Shizuo took the cigarette out of his mouth before springing up from his seat.

”Don’t screw with me!” he yelled, but when Izaya was flinching again he sat back.

Izaya fel his hands aching and he grabbed them to soothe the pain away. 

”I tought that you are dead. It would have been better that way.” Shizuo took another drag before going on ”Then I heard someone in Utsunomiya is looking for a bodyguard.”

”A bodyguard?” the raven haired informant asked back surprised. The pieces started to fall back together. He winced and frowned while thinking about Haruto trying to convince him that he is in need of a bodyguard. He also said that he already found someone for him. He felt somehow betrayed. 

”Humans never cease to amuse me. They can be so unpredictable sometimes.” he commented silently with an odd smile on his face. It was like mumbling to himself but Shizuo heard it and shot a troubled look at him. 

”What do you mean?” he asked suspiciously. 

”Does the one calling you here was a boy named Haruto?”

Shizuo just realised that noone told him, that the subject was asking for him. It’s true that the employer would be Izaya, but the one who was asking for a bodyguard was the little boy. It can’t be, that Izaya didn’t know about who the bodyguard would be, right?

”Yeah.” he sighed at last.

”My my… that naughty little boy. I’m not sure wether he knew who you are and what kind of relationship we are sharing.”

Shizuo didn’t answer to him just gifting him with a silent treatment. 

”But I can not phatom how he were able to find you of all people.” Izaya admitted.

”He called Shinra.” the blond enlightened him.

”Shinra?” Izaya asked with eyes opened wide.

”Yeah… and Shinra sent me. That filthy little bastard.” Shizuo scowled.

”It seems to be a misunderstanding. I didn’t ask for anyone from Ikebukuro. Let’s pretend that nothing happened and go back home, Shizu-chan. Would you do that for me?”

”I won’t be doing anything for you, flea!” Shizuo snapped back with anger. ”You’re asking me to forget about leaving my work there and coming here with a goddamn commuter train wasting my precious time? I also can’t return with the thought that you’re still alive and fucking up the lives of people.”

”You don’t even know what I’m doing here.” Izaya said relatively calmly with a slight smile, but his eyes was devoid of amusement.

”I can imagine.” Shizuo barked extinguishing the cigarette. ”I won’t leave you alone you good-for-nothing jerk. I hate you with all my might. Every breath leaving your mouth is toxic to your surroundings.”

”Stop that.” Izaya warned him silently.

”You corrupted Ikebukuro, now you’re having your hands on another city? Heh?”

”Stop it. It’s not your city.”

”And it’s definitely not yours, you scumbag. This city doesn’t need you. Noone needs you here.”

” _Stop it!_ Just leave me alone!” Izaya screamed with the top of his lungs. He placed both hands onto his ears blocking out the words Shizuo showered him with.

Shizuo went silent, than stood up and left Izaya there. Before he left the park, he addressed Izaya with one last warning.

”That’s not the last time we met, flea. Be aware of that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it has been taken so long to update this story. Unfortunately university life is a busy one~  
> I hope you'll be enjoying this chapter. Izaya is still on a roller-coaster of emotions, but will be more stable in the future I can assure you :)

He was sitting there trembling from fear and anger in his wheelchair watching the back of the retreating form of the blonde man in bartender clothes. He has never imagined the blonde will chase after him. It really seemed like Shizuo can chase him to the other end of the planet if he feels like it. But no, he said, that Shinra sent him here. And the one who informed Shinra about him is Haruto. But how did he managed to contact Shinra? And why Shinra? 

Izaya buried deep into his thoughts. There’s a possibility that he mentioned Shinra to the children during one of his rants about his past. He did mention them about Ikebukuro once or twice. Yeah, he definitely mentioned Shinra as his friend from Ikebukuro. Although he never ever carried away so much to utter Shizuo’s name. So the only option he was able to come up with was that Haruto wanted to find him a bodyguard and he remembered the name Shinra. So he called him. But how did he find out Shinra’s phone number? From Izaya’s phone seems to be the only explanation. He must have been managed to look it up somehow while Izaya wasn’t paying attention. Izaya shook his head. He couldn’t be angry at the boy who adored him so much. He must have been thinking that it would be a nice surprise for him. Well, it was quite a big surprise, there’s no doubt about it.

The guilty one here is Shinra. That four-eyed bastard! He must have been informed about Izaya’s condition and yet he sent Shizuo after him. It hurt to be betrayed by him. He wheeled himself to his phone and picked it up from the ground. The cover was chipped but otherwise it seemed to be usable. He unlocked the screen and dialed the number of a certain underground doctor. After a few ringing he picked it up and a cheerful voice welcomed him from the other side of the line.

"Hello, Kishitani Shinra speaking! What can I help you~?"

Izaya frowned in anger.

"For a starter you could give me an explanation." he said coldly ommiting any kind of greetings.

"Ara, if it isn't Orihara Izaya, the infamous information broker? That fact that you're speaking with me is most likely because you met Shizuo, right? I'm glad you're still alive!" Shinra chirped.

"Don't give me that! I could be dead by now and it would have been your fault!"

"But you're not dead." the doctor pointed out evenly.

"I barely managed not to be smashed into a pulp thanks to your friendly advice of a job. How did you know about me?" He knew it already but wanted to hear it from him anyway.

"You're the holder of all information. How come you're asking me one?" Shinra asked back in a mocking tone.

"I'm also buying information before selling them. Don't evade the question."

"A friend of your's is really worrying about your well-being. He asked me as one of your old friend to help you. I’m so happy you’re okay!"

"My my... It’s kinda ironic that you’re coming to my help now of all times. Even though you were so unfazed the time I got stabbed and hospitalized."

Shira’s lips pulled into a smile upon the memory. 

"You called me the wrong time, that's all." he said to the informant decided not to mention what happened after that call.

"Why did you send Shizu-chan?" That was the most important question Izaya wanted to ask.

"He is a bodyguard." was the simple answer he received.

"We have quite an unfortunate history."

"Than it's a perfect time to start a new page." Shinra’s voice was still so cheerful as the fact that he sent a potential killer after him was not a big deal at all.

"It's not like the pages of a chronicle can erease itself to be blank again." Izaya sighed at last. His tone was regretful and nostalgic at the same time.

"That's true. But if this chronicle is full, you can always start up a new one with nothing but blank pages in it."

Izaya was dumbfounded on Shinra’s offer. Like it’s so easy to do. Like he can ever erease anything he or Shizuo have done. 

"Shinra..."

"Hmmm?"

"Just go die already..." Izaya offered before terminating the call.

***************************

Shizuo was so beside himself from anger and confusion that he was rambling around the unknown streets of this unknown city for a long period of time lighting cigarettes one after another. He honestly didn’t know why that bastard Shinra sent him of all people to attend to Izaya. Isn’t he the friend of the flea? He must have known what would happen if Shizuo found out that the flea is alive and kicking. _Kicking_ … He was in a wheelchair. He genuinely thought that it was just a disgusting joke until he have seen it with his own eyes that the flea is unable to stand on his own two feet. He was thinking hard wether he hurt the flea’s legs. His memories was such a blur. There were a lot of things he didn’t understand and these things started to unnerve him. He decided to call Shinra. He scooped his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number so violently the screen cracked.

"Hello, Shizuo!" Shinra picked it up cheerfully.

"Shinra, I’ll be smashing your face once I’m back in Ikebukuro." he threatened.

"Don’t be so violent. You wanna let out your spent up anger on me instead of Izaya? That’s really nice of you."

"You knew it’s Izaya! And yet you’ve sent me here! Why?!" Shizuo growled.

"I want you to help him." Shinra answered in a serious tone, this time no happyness could be heard from it.

"I refuse. I hate him and you know that. I nearly killed him last time." His anger was overlapped by a strange calmness.

"That is the reason only you can do it."

"I don’t understand." He was now at this point utterly confused.

Shinra sighed and than after a few moments of silence he began to explain what he meant.

"To be a bodyguard is only subsidiary. Originally Haruto-kun asked me to mend Izaya’s trauma."

"….."

Shizuo stayed silent. The expression of the flea when he recognized him floated onto the surface of his conscience. Shinra went on.

"From what Haruto-kun told me I was able to understand, that Izaya has a mental disorder caused by a trauma. And the source of this trauma is none other than a monster of some sort."

"A monster?!" the blond growled into the phone attracting the attention of the passers-by. He counted from 10 to 1 internally to calm himself down.

"You know what it means, I assume."

"It’s not a new thing that the flea has a mental illness." Shizuo reasoned.

Shinra sighed before answering him. "It’s not the same as before, and you know it."

Shizuo snorted, but decided not to answer.

"How did he behave when he saw you?" the doctor asked, professional interest evident in his tone.

Shizuo scratched his nape.

"He was _afraid_ of me… I have never seen him trembling in fear before." he was calm now. He didn’t know why.

Shinra on the other side of the line nodded knowingly before realising that Shizuo couldn’t see him.

"Just as I thought." he said.

"If you knew that it will be the case you shouldn’t have sent me in the first place!" Shizuo bursted out in anger again.

"Keep your cool Shizuo. I think Izaya can only get over with it if you are helping him to recover."

"I don’t want to help him. I don’t give a shit about him."

Shinra sighed again.

"I know you’re unwilling and he’s not your friend…"

"Now that’s an understatement." Shizuo corrected, but Shinra continued nonetheless.

"But Izaya was my friend. I guess for a certain degree he still is. And I’m sure he regretted what he did."

"Why are you so sure about it?" the blond asked, he regained his cool again.

"I know a lot of things about him and I can assure you that it’s not a coincidence that he had an obsession about you."

It picked Shizuo’s interest.

"What do you mean?" he asked intrigued.

Shinra laughed out loud before answering him.

"Sorry Shizou, it would be unethical to tell you. You have to find it out yourself. Which you can only do if you'll be helping him."

He heard Shizuo grumbling on the other side of the line and he was enjoying himself to the fullest.

"Please help him recover, not doing it for Izaya, but for me, who is a friend of him. So, you’re doing it for me and not for him, right? Oh, don’t forget, that he knows nothing about it. In his eyes you’re just a bodyguard. Good luck~!" And with it Shinra cut the line off.

"Dammit!" Shizuo yelled and raised his hand into the air to throw his own phone, but managed to realise what consequences it may entail and his arm lumped back to his side.

This whole conversation made him angry. Why would he help the damn louse? He reaped what he sown. And what was that last comment about?

He needed someone to speak to. Someone he trusted. He was thinking about Celty. She heared him out every time with compassion and she always did her best to help him on her own way. However this time she also recommended him to accept this job. Well, sort of. But anyway, she should be able to at least help him to see things in the right light.  
He looked down onto his phone in his hand and made up his mind. He opened the chat application and wrote to his best friend seeking for advice. The answer came immediately.

[I'm really sorry, Shizuo. I didn't mean to insult you.]

A gentle smile found it’s way on Shizuo’s lips. That’s Celty for you.

"Yeah, I know. Shinra talked you into it, right?" he answered back understandingly.

[It's true. But on the other hand, I heard about Izaya a way back from now.] she acknowledged.

"Huh? When?... And what?" he was surprised to hear that.

[Well a guy was asking about him.]

"That damn interviewer?"

[No. Another one maybe 2 years ago. He told me, that he heard that Orihara Izaya solved a case in a remote town...]

[He also mentioned that he's in a wheelchair.]

[It was believable as the last time I saw him... that day...]

"So you knew... but you didn't mention it neither to Shinra nor me..."

It was disturbing that she heard about him, and yet never mentioned it to him.

[I didn't want to spoil your mood.]

[He's not in Ikebukuro anymore. Anything he does is unrelated to us.]

Shizuo stayed silent and after no message from him came she continued hesitantly.

[Also, I quite felt like Izaya must have suffered enough already. I was surprised that he's still alive.]

[Maybe he could have managed to do so because of my intervention. But...]

[…to be in a wheelchair, it must have taken a toll on him....]

[…he loved to skip around town…]

"It’s not like you, Celty. I thought you never liked him."

"Did you take a pity on him?"

[Not really.]

[I just decided it's better for everyone to leave him alone.]

Shizuo was thinking for a few moments before sending a new message.

"Then why didn't you reason against Shinra of sending me here?"

It was not to haul her up for it. He just wanted to know.

[He told me that this child friend of Izaya is genuinely concerned about his health and that Izaya may never walk again if Shinra is not helping him.]

"So you pitied him…" Shizuo frowned.

This time the answer was a bit late. Like Celty had to think it over.

[...Maybe I did.]

[Shinra called it a shock therapy to confront him with the cause of his breakdown.]

[Oh sorry I didn't mean it like that. I don't want to blame you.]

"Yeah I know. Don’t fret about it."

"You know, I'm glad somehow that I didn't kill him. I'm not a murderer at least. That's reassuring to know."

[Would you help him?]

Now it was on Shizuo to think about it before giving her an answer.

"I don't know." he admitted at last.

"I guess I would kill him for good during the process..."

"I have to think it over."

"It’s good that I have you to speak to."

"Thank you."

[No problem. Thank you for forgiving me.]

[Don’t do anything rush.]

[Let me know if you need any advice or you just need someone to talk to.]

"Thank you"

And with that he closed the chat and slipped his phone back to his pocket. He calmed down gradually, but he was still undecided what to do. He went back to the hostel for the night, but sleep refused to welcome him for a long while. He was thinking over the meeting with the flea over and over again. By the time he fell asleep the sun already started to rise and only after a few hours of blissfull unconsciousness he was awaken again. As he still didn’t know what to do, he was strolling around town buried deeply in his own thoughts. It was already breakfast time when he was standing before a certain fourteen storey tall brown building, the Nice City Arena Station East Park Building looking up to the topmost floor. 

********************

_"I don’t need a bodyguard. At least not one from Ikebukuro. Why did you call Shinra?" Izaya reprimanded Haruto upon returning back to the apartment._

_Haruto was sitting on the couch on the other side of the smoking table opposite Izaya pouting in sadness. He had been convinced that Izaya would be really happy for seeing someone his friend from Tokyo sending to meet him._

_"Please don’t be mad at me, Izaya-san." he asked timidly "I just wanted to be useful."_

_Izaya sighed before answering him with a soft smile._

_"I know. I appreciate your thoughts of kindness, but… it was a mistake."_

_"Than, did Heiwajima ojiisan went home already?" Haruto asked and Izaya had to laugh internally him calling Shizuo ’ojiisan’._

_"I hope so." he said and "It would be better that way." added in finality._

_Himari was listening to their conversation while sitting in the armchair reading a book. He understood something from it which did not reach Haruto’s mind. That Izaya doesn’t like this guy who came from Ikebukuro. She wished the blonde to come back._

*******************

"I can’t believe myself." Shizuo mumbled. He was riding the elevator to the topmost floor, where he met the children the other day. After a long contemplation he decided that it does not hurt to at least try to help. Even though he was unwilling. He had time as Tom already agreed to the temporary leave from his work. He of course still detested the flea and was thinking that he could thank everything bad happened to him to himself. If he hadn’t been a scheming bastard, he wouldn’t be in a wheelchair. And of course what was still bothering Shizuo was the thrownaway mention of something about Izaya’s obsession for him is not a coincidence. He wanted to know the thruth. He wanted to know why Izaya tried to ruin his life for years.

The elevator rang indicating it reached the 14th floor. Shizuo walked the way down to the door and pushed the doorbell. He heard one of the kids hurrying to the door and halting before it. For a long minute nothing happened, and he was thinking about maybe the boy was checking through the spioncino. At last the door opened and the girl welcomed him from the other side.

She was wearing a nice brown dress from quality material and a matching rose pin was applied into her pale hair. Shizuo realized just now that not only the apartment is top quality but the clothes the children are wearing too. He didn’t know why Izaya was with children, but he didn't care about the money concerning them.  
The girl looked up at him with a poker face and cold calculating eyes.

"Do come in." she said at last.

Shizuo stepped into the apartment closing the door behind him. He was standing there in the hall thinking about what he should say, when Himari saved him from initiating.

"So you’re not running away?" she asked leaning against the wall.

"Not really." he answered.

"What will you be doing?"

Shizuo glanced her up and down in confusion.

"What should I be doing? Your friend was asking for a bodyguard. I’m one."

The girl pouted saying: "Booooring." Than pushing herself from the wall now standing tall before him.

"I thought you are one of his enemies."

It surprised him to hear that. This small girl seemed to have sharp eyes.

"Well… I can’t say I’m not."

"You wanna see him?" she asked casually.

"I don’t, but I have to I guess. To do the job." Shizuo said. "Come to think of it, is Haruto-kun here?"

She shrugged.

"He went out to buy something to eat. I will be giving you the key to Izaya-san’s apartment, it’s next to us on the left side. Haruto was checking him 20 minutes earlier and he was still asleep."

"Oh, okay."

"If he’s still not awaken yet, you can kill him in his sleep." she offered still with a face without any kind of emotion.

"Hmmpf. You’re on his side, aren’t you? Why are you suggesting something like that?" Shizuo couldn’t understand.

For a moment he thought he saw raw hatred glistening in her eyes, but it did not linger.

"I’m not on his side. If you won’t kill him, I will when the opportunity presents itself."

She again had an emotionless countenance.

"I don’t really understand you, but I’m going now." he said before leaving the apartment.

He tried to open the main entrance to Izaya’s apartment first by pushing the doorknob, but it was locked so he used the key instead of pushing the doorbell. Izaya won’t be letting him in anyway. He sighed before opening the door. Behind it a hall and a spacious corridor leading to the heart of the apartment welcomed him. He pushed his shoes off and let himself in. No voice can be heard as the informant was still asleep. He walked the distance to the other end of the corridor and entered the living room from there. He looked around the space in awe.

In the spacious apartment the room was fully equipped with brand new dark brown furniture and technological appliances. The sofa streched out in front of an enormously wide screened plazma tv, the size surpassing the one Izaya had in his old apartment in Shinjuku. He doesn’t have any books or file cabinets here though, it seemed he just moved in as nearly no personal belongings occupied the room. The top-notch, luxury interior emitted a rigid, unfriendly atmosphere. Only the half-eaten cookie on the smoking table – most likely a leftover of the little boys’s snack – stationed there hinted that someone is in fact living here.

Shizuo placed the key onto the table and checked the doors opening from the living room. In one of them he could find the flea. He checked the nearest one by chance. He slipped into the bedroom and approached the bundle on the bed. Izaya seemed to be sleeping soundly. His features eased into stillness. Shizuo stood there at his side looking down to him, scrutinizing the still form sleeping on his back with blankets pulled up to his chin as he were feeling cold, although the temperature of the room was relatively warm.

How many years before was it when he haven seen him sleeping? Yeah, it was during high school on a field trip. The flea was way less of a problem when he was out like the light. He seemed to be the same as fourteen years before. Only the dark circles under his eyes were indicators of the passing of time and numerous sleepless nights. Laying there, under the blanket he didn’t seem to be hindered in movement. If the wheelchair hadn’t been next to the bed, he would have never guessed that he is handicapped.

It would be so easy to kill him now. But it was beside him to hurt anyone unprepaired. Also killing the flea can wait until he's sober. He snorted and turned around to leave the room and walk up to the couch in the living room to sit down there when he heard a muffled voice from behind him from the direction of the bed.

”Shizu-chan…”

Shizuo froze on the spot. He looked back, but the flea’s eyes were still closed. He had a frown on his face. The calmness from a moment before already disappeared changing into a bitter expression. His lips parted by a strained scream, body flinching from something threatening or painful only existing in his dream filled mind. Shizuo wanted to leave the room leaving Izaya in his cage of nightmares, but acted otherwise. He approached the other man again, now standing beside his bed looking down onto him, examining his features. Expressions he has never happened to seen before on the face of the other. He was contemplating wether it is a good idea or not to wake him up.

The frown deepened on Izaya’s face.

”Do it… monster…” he hissed as in pain.

Shizuo also frowned hearing the long forgotten nickname the flea labeled him with. He decided to wake the man up when Izaya started to scream and jolted awake sitting up in his bed. Shizuo was surprised by the sudden movement and was jumping backwards, muscle’s acting on the memory of a folding field blade swinging his direction. The next few moments were filled with Izaya panting harshly from the aftermath of the nightmare and Shizuo standing a few steps shy from the bed in full alert. The awkward silence spanned into long moments before Shizuo, who was the first to collect himself, spoke up.

"Chill out!" he ordered roughly by rushing to Izaya’s side and grabbing his shoulders. He tried to calm himself down just as much as calming down the other.

"No! Don’t! Unhandle me! I won’t be returning to Ikebukuro ever again! I swear!" he screamed flailing his hands aimlessly. His breathing sped up into a crazy staccato as the day before and his body started trembling as he was still in the prison of a nightmare. With a hiccup tears were collecting in the crook of his dark eyes widened with shock.

"Oi, are you crying?" Shizuo asked astonishment evident in his voice. He let Izaya go and took a few steps back.

"Cut it out." he ordered in a relatively calm manner "Really, stop that already. I won’t be hurting you, okay?" He felt a twinge in his heart. He hated it when someone was afraid of him. Just as he was a monster.

"Am I still dreaming?" Izaya asked pinching his own face.

"No, that’s for real."

Izaya laughed out bitterly. It was different from the usual maniac laughter Shizuo remembered.

"Haha… My nightmares turned into reality? Or is it the other way around?" he wondered mumbling to himself staring at his hands placed onto his lap. A cold sweat covered his body glistening on his unhealthyly white skin. The tremble of his body slowly subsiding.

Shizuo was watching him undecided of what to do or what to say. All the words was lost for him for a short while.

"Do you often has a nightmare?" he opted to ask at last.

"Umm. You can say so." It was a weak voice battered by nightly torments.

"About me?" the blonde asked the obvious gulping.

Izaya nodded silently, still refusing to look up at him.

"I thought so." Shizuo said "My bad." Despite of the apology he didn’t sound much apologetic.

"Why did you come here, Shizu-chan?" the raven haired asked finally finding his voice and glancing up to him somehow more collected than a few moments earlier.

"I… am thinking about taking the job." the blonde said standing a few feet away from the other.

Why is he doing this in the first place? It would be much more easier to just go home and forget about the damn louse.

"What kind of job?" Izaya was asking listlessly tilting his head.

"The bodyguard one."

"Eeeeeeh?! Whaaat?!" Izaya exclaimed in disbelief "Don’t fuck with me you brute! If it’s like that I surely would be killed…"

Altough his face was still stark white as plaster, he seemed to have more valour now.

"I fuckin’ told ya, you scumbag, that I’ll be your _bodyguard_! Dammit!" Shizuo snapped.

"Is that a conspiracy against me?" Izaya asked mistrustfully.

"Hah. You're the number one conspirator here, aren’t you? Heee? Iiizaya-kun~" Shizuo riposted.

The information broker shrugged his shoulders and with an innocent face and a big fake smile he stated. "I’m not that bad of a person, am I?"

Shizuo snorted. As it seemed Izaya already used to his presence, he let him self sit down on the bed at his feet, but the unexpected closeness of him made the smaller man twiching. His mask slipping for only a moment before gaining back his countenace.

"You’re the worst person I’ve ever met." Shizuo commented. He just realized they are having a natural conversation. It was the best time for him to find answers for the questions bothering him. "It’s high time for you to explain yourself, flea. Why have you been bothering me for ten long years?"

Izaya was eyeing him for a while. His smile did not falter, but the in the depth of his red tinged brown orbs there was no trace of amusement.

"It was caressing my soul to pick on you, Shizu-chan." he declared with a wide, mischievous grin adorning his face.

Shizuo felt his palm tingling for violence and a vein popped on his temple. He wanted to hit his face with all his might, but was holding himself back.

"Don’t give me that!" he yelled scaring the shit out of the other. Izaya was clutching into his blanket for dear life, knuckles whitening from the force. His mask fallen again revealing a tense expression before he gained his dignity back once more. How he hated to show this kind of weakness in front of the blonde! He cursed his own behaviour. He should receive every word and act of him with decorum.

"What motives did you have?! No. You must have had a reason. What’s that?" the blonde demanded.

Izaya felt his heart squeezing within his chest as long suppressed and forgotten feelings were trying to resurface within the deepest recesses of his heart. He didn’t welcome the emotions and tried his best to get a grip on them, to gain reign over them. A smirk spreaded on his lips before answering.

"You can kill me a thousand times, though I won’t be telling you."

Shizuo’s hazel eyes clouded with rage behind the screen of his sunglasses. He jumped to his feet and grabbed the collar of Izaya’s shirt.

"I’m punching you into a pulp if you won’t be answering." he threatened.

Izaya’s heart skipped a beat or two and with a face white as the wall he retorted with a shaken voice.

"You said, you’ll be acting as my bodyguard…"

The blonde growled and did not let him loose.

"Speak!" he demanded.

"Because I detested a beast like you, Shizu-chan." Izaya spitted with a bitter frown "Take your hands off me and go back to Ikebukuro, for god’s sake! You’ve already ruined my life, let me be!"

His voice shifted into grim rage. Shizuo unclutched his fingers and with a glare he scoffed at him.

"Fine. Just live your sorry life in this shitty town and keep out of Ikebukuro. I was thinking about helping you out, but nevermind. It seems to be a bad idea. I’m leaving now."

He than turned around and was storming out of the room. Within a few moments the loud bang of the entrance door shutting can be heard. The sound reverberated in the ears of the man still sitting on his bed, before leaving nothing but silence and painful memories in it’s wake.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas for everyone! \\(^_^)/  
> I'm here with the latest chapter as a Christmas present. Sorry it's so short this time around.  
> Dig in!

It took him quite a few minutes to gather himself from his daze. He was mulling what had happened within the last less than 24 hours over. Shizu-chan came from Ikebukuro to work for him. Put aside the fact that he didn’t know the employer was him. He was searing with rage upon seeing him alive. Was he disappointed? He tried to manhandle him, but wondrously calmed himself down to refrain from doing so. He was as crude as ever. Loathing him as ever. But as unexpected as it was, he stayed to took the job. Unwillingly even. What has taken him to do so? 

He hasn’t had time to solve the matter as he heard the front door creaking open again. His heart jumped into his throat immediately, thinking the blonde is back for whatever reason his protozoan brain allows him to muster. His blood was pulsating furiously within his veins and cold sweat was sifting through the pores of his skin. Anticipation rendering him motionless. Than he heard light feet padding through the living room and soon after a child's head popped into sight from the gap of the door. 

”Izaya-san?” the boy asked clueless.

Said man sighed in relief. It was just Haruto-kun. Than why was he feeling a subtle frustration? Just as he was a bit disappointed. 

”Himari-chan is making breakfast. Would you like to eat with us?” he looked around before adding ”Isn’t Heiwajima-ojisan here? Himari-chan told me, that he was here to see you.”

Izaya’s lips curled into a fake smile. The one he trained onto himself a long-long time ago.

”It would be nice to have breakfast with my beloved children. It’s such a shame ojisan can’t attend. I guess he won’t be coming back.”

Haruto seemed to be surprised. 

”Won’t he? That’s odd. Why did he come here today then?”

”Who knows? Let’s don’t speak about him anymore. It will be spoiling the food.” 

The information broker braced himself to get off the bed. Haruto wheeled the chair into position. He stood up staggering before crumbling into his chair and letting himself being pushed to the neighbouring apartment. Haruto was more than happy to push his oniisan around letting out a buzzing sound all the while. When they arrived to their destination, meaning the dining room of the children’s apartment he halted abruptly in front of the table. Izaya grabbed the edge of the table as a routine when he felt himself slipping from the chair. He got used to it already. 

”Uhhh, Haruto-kun. I told you a thousand times before not to stop me so suddenly.” he laughed. 

”I’m soooorrryyy~” the boy said apologetic.

”Only you?” Himari asked from him while placing a cup of steaming miso soup and a plate packed with omlette and daikon radish in front of him. 

”My… are you unsatisfied, Himari-chan?” he asked with an all-knowing smirk on his face.

She shrugged uninterested going back into the kitchen.

******************************

”I’m going home.” Shizuo sent a message to Celty. 

His phone lit up with an incoming message as soon as he sent his own.

[Really?]

”Yeah.”

”It would be better this way.”

[I see.]

[I also think it would be better like that. I don’t know how much Izaya changed during these years, but I assume not much.]

”He always had been a jerk.”

”Not that it can change so easily.”

[Did something happen?]

”Not much.”

”He still hates me. I’m still hating him.”

”Anyway, I’ll be leaving soon.”

”See you.”

[Ok. See you.]

His phone chimed signalling his battery is running low. Never mind putting it on charge, he can do it at home soon enough. He slided the phone into his pocket before grabbing his bag. He checked out of the room and made his way to the train station with thoughts storming in his head. 

He was furious when he first laid his eyes upon the flea after so many years. He felt the same urge of anger within his veins as every time he encountered him in the past. A good-for-nothing pest with an insufferable smirk on his smug face. He loathed the louse a great deal and never missed him even for a moment in his life. If he would have been hounest with himself, which he wasn’t, he would have been admitted that he maybe felt a little relived to know that the flea is alive. He now had the proof of it. And yet all he was thinking about this time was not to think about him anymore. He can be the same asshole as ever and does as he pleases here in this city far from Ikebukuro and he shouldn’t care less. Until he’s out of his life and out of _his_ city it does not matter. It _should_ not matter to him. 

Yet even though he was thinking about not to think about him, all he was doing was in fact thinking about the flea. Playing back their encounter in his mind considering the fearful expression on his face, the skittish countenance he presented in his proximity. The damn louse has been ruining his life for ten long years he still doesn’t know why and now he’s the one blaming him for ruining his life.

He felt a slight irritation on it clutching his fists in a ball.  


******************************

”Do you not like the food, Izaya-san?” the boy asked from him.  


He just realized that he barely touched his breakfast only chipping off small chunks of the omlette with his chopsticks to push it aside to gather with the other chunks.  


”Sorry, I don’t have much appetite at the moment.” he said with a soft smile wich was dancing along the borderline of sadness. He eyed his plate with a melancholic look. It was evident he was chagrined at something.  


Even though he was alarmed at the previous meeting with the blonde, the protagonist of his nightmares of pain and sorrow, he felt it wrong to sent him away. At least somehow or the other. He knew Shizu-chan had every reason to hate him and wanting to kill him. He was afraid of him, afraid that one day they will be crossing each other’s path and this would be the end of him. He was afraid of death even though he is still continuing to live his life in a pathetic physical condition. At times he was wondering it would be better to be dead, but immediately after the thought occurs to him, he dismisses it fervently as he throughly acknowledges he is dreading to die, to cease to exist. Even though living is painful, he still wants to live. And he needs to live. Even in this miserable state. As a punishment for being blind for the thruth. It’s his penitance for his own foolishness. For his own cowardice for being too afraid of venturing into the uncertain. In the fear of if he is daring to, the very foundation of his belief will be crumbling into dust.  


And the blonde was here confronting him with his fears and faults. And he was here to help not to hurt even though he obviously had a hard time to restrain himself from harming him, from taking vengeance on him for tormenting him for years and trying to eliminate him in the end. He wanted answers instead. Answers he is unable to vocalize. Unable to confess.  


It should be easier to let him leave. They would never see each other again. He would be able to live on flinching every time when having a glimpse of a blonde mop of hair in the crowd, sweating in repeating nightmares of blood and pain of the crunching of his bones, thinking of the man he hated so much for making him unstable and feeling miserable, thinking of all of his losses and the way his heart aches. The intangible pain greater than what he felt when he were laying broken. A pain for which there seems to be no balm to alleviate. Leaving his heart shattered, more beyond repair than his battered body of useless flesh and bones.  


During the more than ten years they were having their fights in Ikebukuro, he was again and again thinking about what their relationship would have been like if only their first meeting has been different. And now he was thinking about how things would be if he didn’t push him away from himself in fear of the unknown. Again. He felt like he is repeating the same mistakes again. Which felt wrong. Ineffably wrong. He might have made a wrong decision. For if he lets him go now, he might never see him again. Things might never been settled between them. He might be regretting it for the rest of his life!  


Panic took the best of him as he raised his head up with a desperate expression.  


”I… I had to go now…” he stammered as he just realized he lost something specifically precious to him.  


The children was taken aback by his unusually troubled behaviour. They were gazing at him in complete silence as he self-propelled himself in the direction of the door.  


”Izaya-san?” the boy asked at last with a confused look on his face.  


Said man stopped for a moment only to address him with a short explanation.  


”I just remembered I forgot something very important. I will be back once I settled everything. You stay here.”  


”I want to come too!” Haruto objected sullenly.  


”No. That’s something I have to solve alone. But please fetch my wallet and coat for me.”  


The boy sprung from his seat to act as he was told. He was retreiving the items Izaya asked for from the other apartment and gave it to the man.  


”Please let me come too!” he insisted.  


”No. Wait here. You understand?” Izaya told him in a serious tone.  


He nodded unsatisfied, pouting.  


”Good boy. I’ll be back.” Izaya said than left in a hurry.  


He switched to electric control and started in the general direction of the railway station only a few streets away from his apartment building. When he arrived there he needed a ticket to gain entrance to the platforms. He looked around in search for the ticket machines first but decided it would be faster to get a ticket from the office. He headed to the counter at the ticket gates and bought one for the next shinkansen bound for Tokyo. He went to platform no. 4, but the train was not there yet, also he couldn’t see the blonde anywhere on the platform. He looked around franticly when he spotted another train, a commuter one on platform no. 10 quite a distance away. It was the Utsunomiya Line. And so the thought that the blonde most likely bought a normal ticket rather than a shinkansen one, due to the cheaper fare, occured to him. He nearly raised his hand to his forehead in realisation. Why didn’t he think about it earlier? He went up to the passageway leading to different platforms checking which one is for the train to Tokyo. Just as he suspected, the train he saw was the one for Ueno Station. Departing within a few minutes. He had no idea wether it was the train Shizuo boarded or he already had left with another one, but it worthed to check.  


He used the elevator to get to the tracks which led him to the middle of the platform. Which direction should he check first? He got his head back and fro in feverish endeavor. He decided to check the right side first propelling along the train peeking inside the doors and windows in search for blonde locks of hair. His heart was pounding faster and faster in anticipation and great excitement. He felt it nearly jumping out from his ribcage when he cought sight of the blonde sitting by the window in one of the cars.  


Shizuo got on the train a few minutes earlier and was seeking for a vacant seat. He found one by the window looking out to the platform a few minutes later. He put his bag on the rack above the seat and sat down wondering. He couldn’t divert his thoughts of the flea. He felt bad for leaving him here. He was barely thinking about him in the recent years but now that they met it was bugging him non-stop. They didn’t have a closure on their relationship and he felt like he was unable to come to terms with it in the end. He wanted to know why the flea wanted to see him dead. Why he didn’t leave him alone. Even though he seemed to be unwilling to give him the reason he felt like there was definitely a reason behind what he did. And it would be wrong to leave without answers. To leave him here and never think about him again. They need to have a closure of some sort. Maybe he should just get off the train and go back to Izaya’s apartment demanding elucidation. But he didn’t have the energy in him to do so.  


He was just sitting there looking out of the window contemplating when he took sight of the informator peeking inside the window in frenzied effort to spot someone. Despair was written all over his face which was a rare sight to see. His eyes went wide when he spotted Shizuo but before he could do anything the doors of the train closed with a loud beeping voice. He shot a hurried glance in the direction of the doors and than back to the dumbfounded blonde who was already standing in bewilderment. The train started to move slowly. Shizuo focused his own wide brown eyes on the raven sitting in his chair at the platform. He rushed to open the window and were able to catch sight of his embittered frown and the look in his big brown eyes before the train catching up speed leaving the station behind. Eyes full of emotion spookily identical to sorrow.  


Shizuo was in confused panic. What should he do? He definitely can’t leave the flea here like that. Not after seeing this expression on his face! His heart was thrumming like crazy in his chest as he was standing there with his eyes on the cityscape fastly running by.  


_Damn it!_ He must go back! He grabbed his bag from the rack and hurried to the door. The train stopped at the next station within ten minutes. He was stomping in impatience waiting for the door to open. When it did he got off and were storming to the platform with the train going back to Utsunomiya. He had to wait approximately 20 minutes for the next train back. He wanted to call the other man but when he scooped his phone out of his pocket, it was already shutted down as the battery was running out of power.  


Meanwhile Izaya was sitting in his wheelchair speechless at the platform following the departing train with his eyes wide open. It was hard to define what he felt exactly when he saw Shizuo leaving with the train. It was like all of his pent up grief suddenly weigh down on his shoulders crushing him. Like he missed a big opportunity which will never come back at him. Like he got something precious in one moment only to lose it forever in the next. Like his heart was sinking into his stomach with a great burden.  


Before he took notice of it tears were tracing down his cheeks blurring his vision. He clamped his fingers around his coat like trying to grasp his own aching heart in futile attempt. Light sobs leaving his lips curled downwards in a frown. He lost his chance of reconciliation. He lost Shizu-chan, _his_ Shizu-chan forever. He took his phone out dialing the all too familiar number of the blonde only to be greated with a _'The number you have dialed is out of range, disconnected or is no longer in service.'_ The phone slipped out of his hand onto his lap. It felt like all the colors were lost in the world. Everything went mute around him as he were shutting himself up like a shell. He couldn’t tell how long he were sitting there speechless when a strong pair of hands grabbed his shoulders carefully but reassuringly and a familiar voice hit his ears.  


Shizuo was back in Utsunomiya Station around 35 minutes after he left it. After getting off the train he was looking around franticly but felt at ease when he spotted the other man on the other platform. He released a strained sigh before walking up to him. Izaya was such an idiot still sitting there motionless with a vacant look on his face. It was like the world itself was froze over around him.  


He was sitting there showing his back to the approaching blonde. When Shizuo paced up to him, he put his hands onto the raven’s thin shoulders saying.  


”You’re such a moron, flea. For sitting around here for so long.”  


Izaya flinched slightly when his palms made connection with the fragile clavicle even though the touch was gentle. He raised his head up looking behind him in slow motion as he were pulling out of a dream or daze. Again for a short period of time his face was an open book radiating surprise and than relieved joy before his lips were pulling into his usual smile and his mask was back in place. Although his red and puffy eyes were giving him away. He turned his head back looking in front of him before opening up his mouth.  


”You’re such a moron, Shizu-chan, for coming back. Unpredictable as always.”  


Shizuo released his shoulders sliding his fingers up and around the handle of the wheelchair. A soft and gentle smile was gracing his lips.  


”You’re thinking I’m stupid anyway. So nevermind.” he started pushing the chair. ”I’m hungry as hell. Show me a place to eat.”  


”Hmmm. There’s a sushi restaurant on the way back to my apartment. You should check them out.” Izaya hummed and they were leaving heading to the ticket gates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this heartbroken Izaya as much as I do :) He will be more true to himself in the next chapter.  
> Unfortunately I have mid-terms ahead of me. The next chapter will be out in the second half of January.  
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated as always :) Please share with me how you liked it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little later than I anticipated but I'm back with the newest chapter. Hope you will like it.  
> I'm sorry in advance for the grammar mistakes though. I don't have a beta reader.

Shizuo put his ticket into the slot on the ticket gate, but the device refused to let them through. It let out a shrill informing everyone around, that someone tried to pass without a valid ticket. His eyes opened wide in surprise then confusion took the reign on his features. On the other hand Izaya was faster to comprehend the source of the problem they were facing.

”It’s a one-way ticket, Shizu-chan. We can’t pass the gate with it.”

A light chuckle of amusement escaped his lips.

By the time Shizuo retreated wheeling him backwards, the station assisstant were there next to them to help out.

”Can I help you?” he asked them politely.

”Sorry, we bought a ticket for Tokyo but changed our mind halfway.” 

The blonde was scratching his neck in embarrassement. The assisstant was checking their tickets and within a minute he let them through the gate. They told their thanks before heading out of the station. 

”So where is this restaurant you mentioned before?”

”It’s straight ahead."

The walk was a quiet one none of them wanting to disturb the serene silence settled on them. It was rare and peaceful, something close to a truce they have never shared before. Both of them felt it precious and welcomed. Although it only lasted for a few minutes it felt like a long time. 

”We are here.” the raven informed Shizuo, signaling with his hand. 

Shizuo went around his chair to open the door and Izaya wheeled himself in. It was a cosy little restaurant with only a few local people sitting around. A waitress in uniform hurried to greet them as soon as the door closed shut behind the blonde. 

”Orihara-san, it’s nice to see you again!” she addressed the infromant with a gentle smile.

Shizuo raised one of his eyebrows in puzzlement. Is the flea frequent here?

”Okamoto-san, good morning! How are you doing today?”

Izaya had a soft smile on him chatting cheerfully with the girl. They seemed to know each other for a while. Shizuo was moving his head back and forth between the two.

”Fine, thank you. And you?”

”Peachy.”

”Oh, a table for two this time?” she asked looking at Shizuo and bowed a bit in his direction.

”Yes, in the back if possible.”

”Of course! Please follow me.”

She led them to a table in the back of the restaurant, so the other guests wouldn’t overhear them. She handed a menu for both of them. Then she excused herself and let them have some time to decide what to order. Shizuo was checking the menu out while Izaya placed it onto the table as he already know what he would like to eat.

”You’re coming here often?” Shizuo asked eyes glued onto the menu.

”Yep. They have a woderful chef.”

Silence settled over them again which was only been disturbed a few moments later when the waitress was back to take their orders.

”The usual?” she asked the raven and he nodded with a delighted grin. ”And for you?” she turned to the blonde.

”The rainbow rolls for me.”

”Okay. I will be bringing your order soon.”

When she left them to themselves again Shizuo raised his head up from the menu looking into the eyes of the other male. 

”So how long have you been living here?” he asked after a short and awkward silence.

”Not long. I can’t stay anywhere for too long with my line of work.”

”Then change jobs, for crying out loud.” Shizuo scoffed.

Izaya came back with the familiar smirk on his face.

”You phrase it like it’s so easy to do. Finding a decent job with no expertise and handicapped.”

”Like you ever tried to find one…”

”I won’t degrade myself to do an ungraceful job for a low salary.”

It sounded like an insult directed to the blonde who snarled in annoyance.

”Lower salary or not, there are jobs out there less dangerous. You shouldn’t be so picky in the state you are.”

”I wouldn’t be in the state I am if not thanks to a certain someone.” 

It was clearly an accusation although the smirk was still present on Izaya’s lips. 

”This certain someone shouldn’t have to hurt you if you didn’t try to kill him, bastard.” Shizuo snarled again.

”Oops, my bad.” Izaya said with a smug face not the least sounded apologetic.

Shizuo felt his anger building up in him fast and was hard pressed to hit the other, but thankfully the waitress chose that exact moment to appear by their table with their order on her hands. She placed the food down in front of them wishing them good appetite and left. Shizuo was eyeing the sushi on the raven’s plate. 

”Ootoro?” he asked slightly calmer.

”Um.” Izaya nodded. ”Not so good as in Russia Sushi, but I can live with it. It brings back memories.”

Shizuo did not give him an answer more because he didn’t have one. He didn’t want to remember the times when the flea was still there polluting the air of Ikebukuro.

”Now that we’re speaking about it, are you still pennyless?”

It hurt. It hurt Shizuo’s feelings.

”That’s nice coming from you, rich ass.”

”So you are. It’s no wonder regarding your anger management problems. Going berserk and covering up the property damage later on must be hard on you.”

”I have been more in control after you left…”

”It does not seems like it. Otherwise you haven’t tried to strangle me yesterday. What would your dear brother think of you if he knew about it. Tsk, tsk.”

The blonde sprung up from his seat and clashed his palms over the table, the plates were clattering with the tremor the motion sent through the surface. Izaya flinched and went silent immediately. The smirk disappeared from his face.

”Shut up for fuck’s sake! I haven’t been back for thirty minutes and you managed to anger me! Can you be less of a jerk?!”

He found himself shouting angrily seeing red and having a hard time controlling his rage. On the other hand the raven was dumbfounded cowering in his wheelchair pushing himself hard into the back. His eyes widened into circles not breaking contact with his. In the depth of those dark orbs he saw fright. Shizuo did not overlook the skittish posture of the raven and the light trembling of those pale hands holding onto the armrest with all it’s might. 

He just remembered that the other male is afraid of him and it helped him to rule his temper. And also it came down to him, that they are in a restaurant and everyone was watching them speechless. Among others the waitress was watching them with a hesitant look in her eyes as she was contemplating to interve or not. He felt embarrased and slightly guilty at that. He drag a deep breath and eased himself, sitting down again. Izaya’s eyes followed the movement and only broke his glance from the blonde when he was confident that the brute won’t be hurting him. He squinted his eyes onto the table checking whether it was still intact. He would have sworn that it cracked under the pressure of those dangerously strong hands. Izaya let out a relieved sigh he didn’t know he held in when he acknowledged that the wood was in one piece, only a small dent was there as a telltale sign. Shizuo was indeed in reign of his temper as otherwise the table would have been in splinters by now. He just realized he were playing with fire. It was unwise to piss the brute off, but he couldn’t help his nature. He had spent years of his life mocking and pissing the beast off and it felt just natural to do the same now after a good five years of absence. Old habits die hard, aren’t they?

”I didn’t want to startled you. Just don’t provoke me.”

The raven eased his posture and when he answered the smirk was back on his lips.

”I’ll be mindful of it.”

”Good.”

With that Shizuo reached for his sushi and started to eat. His now relaxed countenance and the ordinariness of his actions setted Izaya at ease. He also reached out for his ootoro and they were eating in silence. 

Once they finished Shizuo remembered why he came back in the first place. He was the first to speak.

”Why did you come after me?”

It was an unpleasant question and Izaya found it better to answer with another question.

”Why did you come back?”

”I was the first to ask.”

He was racking his mind. He can’t possibly say that he didn’t want to lose him after they met again. That he didn’t want to be left alone again and for good. So he went with the more convenient answer which was also true. And with which he had came to terms with in the recent years.

”There’s something I wanted to tell you no matter what.” 

The smile yet again disappeared from his face only this time it wasn’t because of fear but because it gave place to a serious expression. Shizuo raised a brow so he went on.

”It always made me wonder why my beloved humans accepted you, a monster and were refusing me, a God-like being.”

”What?”

”Hear me out.”

Shizuo nodded. He was slightly angered again for being called a monster. But he was eager to hear Izaya’s point.

”In contrast to my beloved humans you were just a monster driven by instincts. A very powerful, but very stupid monster.”

Although his tone was serious without a hint of ridicule, the blonde’s features changed into one of anger. 

”You want to get in the neck, Izayaaa-kun?”

”Hear me out, Shizu-chan. Despite the number of people you have been hospitalized, and how short your patience was, they did not hate you. You were nothing more than a violant monster, inapt to live amongst humans. But the people accepted you. More and more of them surrounded you and became your friend. And this has angered me to the extreme. Why are you surrounded by friends, thrustworthy friends, while me, a perfect and intelligent being has none. Why do they love you and not me?”

Shizuo remained silent somehow caught off-guard about what his enemy was telling him.

”After our fight I realized that I was wrong all along. The high and mighty Orihara Izaya had been wrong. Hilarious, isn’t it?” he laughed heartily ridiculing himself. ”The one I was thinking about as a monster was in thruth a human. A man in a monster's skin instead of a monster clad as human.”

”So you are saying, that you was a pain in the ass for years, ’cause you were wrong about me?” Shizuo snorted disdainfully. 

”Exactly!” A cheerful smile appeared on the raven’s face as he was feeling like the blonde was starting to see his point.

It ticked the blonde off a tiny little bit. Now he was really in a need of a cigarette. Or more cigarettes.

” I told you a thousand times to leave each other alone. You wouldn’t be the way you are if you simply forgot about me.”

”I couldn’t do that.” Izaya answered serious again. ”I could not let a monster mingle with my precious humans.”

”Don’t act like the saviour of humankind, asshole.” he snarled.

Izaya raised his hands defensively. ”You are right. You just annoyed me. And…”

”And?”

It seemed so that he wanted to let the end of his sentance hanging in the air.

”Forget it.”

A vein popped on the blonde’s forehead.

”Just spit it out already.”

”Nevermind. All of these are already a thing of the past. I couldn’t see the human side of you. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for that. Can you forgive me, Shizu-chan?”

The blonde was looking back at him in disbelief. Was the flea just told him, that he is sorry? Well it was a novelty. He has never guessed that one day the flea would be asking for his forgiveness. 

”Does it really matter?” he asked at last with a sigh.

Izaya did not answer for a while. He seemed to be deep in thoughts looking into his eyes. His features was serious, slightly concerned. His lips drawn into a straight line and his eyes dark and unreadable. When he replied his tone was even, matter of factly.

”I could not let myself not to hate you. If I had loved you the same way as I loved my humans, despite I was thinking about you as a monster, I would have betrayed my love for my humans. But after I realized that you are also a human, it became clear to me that my love was unintentionally impure.”

”I’m not sure I can follow you, flea.”

”I just wanted to say, Shizu-chan, that by refusing you, I betrayed my love for all the humankind. I’m really regretting it.”

”Haaa? So you’re not feeling sorry, ’cause you considered me a monster and was constantly trying to ruin my life, but ’cause the idea in your sick brain had been wrong?!”

”No! I mean yes. Partially. I’m sorry for _trying_ to hate you.”

Shizuo didn’t say anything for a short while. 

”I’m not sure I can forgive you.” 

His voice was calm when he said that. His brown eyes were assessing the raven with a hard stare. His brain was racking hard what to do or how to feel. He was unsure whether the flea told the truth. Whether he was honestly feeling sorry for everything what he did. This Izaya was acting different than the one he known. This Izaya was watching him in complete silence lips unsmiling. His russet eyes seemed darker than usual, with a hue of disappointment in it. Then like he came to a conclusion his lips curled into a frustrated smirk.

”Then tell me what should I do? Isn’t it enough for you that you successfully crippled me so I’m condemned to spend the rest of my life in a fucking wheelchair?!” he fumed accussingly.

”Don’t blame me, flea! You were the one out for my life! Why?! Why did you try to kill me?”

”Don’t yell with me!” 

Izaya was furious. He didn’t like when someone raised his voice speaking with him. But he successfully calmed himself down as he didn’t want to turn around and leave the blonde there. It would have been the end of their relationship and he wanted a different closure.

”I couldn’t tell yet.” he opted to say slightly more audible than a whisper. Although Shizuo heard him.

”Than I can’t forgive you.”

The ravens lips curled into a bitter grimace.

”You are right.” he acknowledged. ”I shouldn’t blame you. I already accepted it as my punishment.”

_Yeah, the flea definitely different than how he used to be._

Shizuo’s gaze softened a bit and he was easing his tense jaw. The flea changed somehow during the years of his absence. He was still not entirely sane and was still unnerving him, but something in him definitely changed. He always had been skinny, but now he had seem sickly thin. His skin was unhealthyly pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He was skittish and Shizuo couldn’t remember any moment in the past he had seen the flea so… unhappy. Just like he was broken.

”So… What will you do now, Shizu-chan? Will you be staying here? Or…”

”I’ll be staying. I won’t turn back to Tokyo for a second time.”

Yes, he won’t. He was wondering whether he started seriously pitying the flea. Izaya’s eyes kindled in relief. The usual smile slipped back to his face.

”So where will you stay?”

”In the Weekly Sho Utsunomiya Hostel, but I just checked out this morning. I’m calling them to rebook again.” 

Shizuo was reaching for his phone when he just remembered that his battery was dead. He glanced up to the other male sitting in front of him.

”I forgot that the battery of my phone is off. Can I use your phone to call them?”

”Sure.” 

Izaya was scooping out his own phone from his pocket when he noticed the missed calls. All of them were from Haruto. 

”Oh my. I have to call Haruto-kun back first things first.”

He was calling the boy right away not even waiting for the blonde’s answer.

”Haruto-kun? Sorry for not answering your call. I had been busy. Yes, I’m okay. Where? In a restaurant. No, I’m with Heiwajima ojisan. Yes, he’s back. Okay. Stay at home, I’ll be back. Bye.”

He cut the call and than looking up the hostel’s number on the internet he dialed it and hold his phone out to the blonde.

”Ah, hello. I’m Heiwajima Shizuo. I checked out this morning and I’d like to go back… Oh, I see. Thanks.”

Izaya was looking at him questioningly.

”They already gave my room to someone else.” he explained.

”I’ll be searching for a place for you.” Izaya said and were checking the accomodations, but for his horror, all of them were booked. He didn’t want Shizuo to stay at his place. He couldn’t trust the blonde yet. What if he lose control and will be hurting him? But it seemed there was no other option.

”It can’t be helped. I have a spare room in my apartment to offer.”

”What?” Shizuo was surprized. ”Are you sure?”

”I told you, that it can’t be helped…” he didn’t seem much pleased. ”As you are my bodyguard it sounds reasonable anyway, isn’t it?”

Shizuo nodded slowly.

”But before anything, we need to go to a department store to buy you new clothes.”

”Whaaat?! What the fuck your problem with my clothes?” 

Now Shizuo was angered again. He didn’t want to change the clothes he got from his little brother.

”After what happened that day… well since I left Ikebukuro I had a trauma every time I’m catching sight of a bartender uniform. A few years ago I went to a stadium and there was that woman in a bartender uniform. At first I didn’t know who it was I just caught a glimpse of the attire and well… I had difficulty breathing. I’m still feeling tense just by looking your clothes. I hope you understand.”

The blonde was thinking about what he had said for a minute before nodding in assent.

”But you’d better pay for the new clothes.”

”That’s natural.” Izaya shot his best smile at him before they were getting ready to pay and leave the restaurant. Izaya didn’t let the blonde pay for his own share and he were chatting a few minutes with the waitress before finally leaving for the department store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the co-habitaion of the not-so-monster and the flea is beginning :) What will happen to them? How can Shizuo put up with Izaya? How much Izaya changed? And more importantly how can they change each other and their relationship? :)  
> Comments highly appreciated as always :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I came up with a more complex plot than I originally imagined of. Now I have a sketchy outline of the overall story, but I have to do some brainstorming to work out the details. Also I need to do some research.  
> So one of my favourite stories of all times is about two guys investigating about drugs. From a while I wanted to write a story revolving around drug investigators too, and I was just struck with the idea of incorporating it into this story. I hope it will come out right.  
> Meanwhile the feelings of Izaya and Shizuo will be unfolding as they had to work together to solve this case. 
> 
> Now, let's dig in!

Not even buying new clothes prooved to be easy as Shizuo would have been content with something simple like Uniqlo, but Izaya was hellbent to buy something classy for him. Not elegant but something pricey even though it shared resemblence to the clothes of cheaper shops. Shizuo couldn’t understand why it was so important to the flea, he could only come up with the idea, that Izaya was accustomed to quality clothes. Therefore they had a smaller quarell in the store which ended with Izaya’s victory as he had the upper hand in the question paying for everything. Also the raven had a notion in his head about in what types of clothes he would like to see Shizuo in. He picked quite a number of mostly black and grey designer clothes of which had a dark and mysterious feeling to it. Checking himself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror of the fitting room, Shizuo was reminded himself of his brother. In the end he decided that he was looking cool in them and Izaya also seemed content. And judging from the quantity of the clothes he was thinking about keeping Shizuo by his side for a longer period of time. Shizuo didn’t know how he should feel about it. The flea was still unbearable and cocky and his own patience felt like thin again. It would require a lot of self-restraint to not kill the other. Especially that he should be by the flea’s side 0-24.

When they arrived back to Izaya’s apartment Izaya showed Shizuo to his room. It was right next to his own but was a bit smaller with basic furnitures. 

”Feel yourself at home, Shizu-chan. This apartment is bigger and cozier than your own, so it won’t be a problem, right?”

Shizuo couldn’t decide if it was an insult or not so he decided to let it go and just nodded. 

”The bathroom is on the other side of the living room, next to the kitchen. You can find clean towels in the cupboard. But please mop up after you finish. I don’t want to slip.”

And this went on another ten minutes as Izaya was showing the whole apartment to him, explaining where to find the plates, cups, cereals, etc… And about keeping everything at the exact place it belongs, so he won’t be having a hard time later to sort everything out after a messy flatmate. 

They were having their dinner at the children’s apartment. It was so odd for Shizuo. He wondered why and that’s when he just understood that that’s because it had a somehow domestic feeling to it. Gathering around the table and chattering. Well in fact the boy was chattering, Izaya was replying and he and the girl were sitting next to them in silence exchanging glances. He was unsure whether Izaya had a family gathering in his Shinjuku home before, he suspected he hadn’t. But there he was practically living with two children and it felt so right. Like the dinners he shared with Kasuka and their parents. Izaya had a somehow friendly athmosphere around him conversing with the children like a family member and sporting a soft smile curling around the corners of his lips. It was an odd spectacle. Especially those smiles completely devoid of his usual smugness. Those smiles seemed to be honest which was a paradox in itself regarding it was Izaya we were talking about. Shizuo couldn’t help but wonder that this man in front of him is not the same man he had known from before. And he was utterly clueless what to do with this new side of the other.

Izaya was so at ease in the presense of these children like they were his own siblings or kids. And the boy seemed to adore him for unknown reasons. Shizuo felt like a thrid wheel from time to time, an outsider in the circle of a family. Nonetheless the scene calmed him down and he was thinking that staying for a while with them maybe won’t be a bad thing. He hoped the flea won’t be a pain in the ass.

******************************

When everyone retired to their own room he was more than relieved. It was a long day with way too many twist to it, but he had his peace of mind at last. He put his phone on charge. Right after his phone was back to operation it chimed with new messages. The sender was Celty. 

[Are you back?]

He sighed and started to type but was erasing back again and again. How should he elaborate what happened?

”No. I stayed.”

”Changed my mind.”

Within seconds he received a reply.

[I see. Did something happen?]

”A lot. Anyway I decided to help the flea.”

”But if he’s angering me I’ll be right back.”

[Oh, right. Just don’t hurt him.]

”I won’t. I’ll be texting you if anything happens.”

[Okay. You can count on me.]

”Thanks. Bye.”

[Bye.]

He put his phone next to the bed and went to have a shower before going to sleep. The bed was comfortable he was asleep the minute his head touched the pillows. 

******************************

Izaya was sitting in front of his laptop typing away with a concentrated expression. The sound of light tapping filled the room as his fingertips came in contact with the smooth surface of the keyboard. The altering tone mingling with the constant, monotone of the clock ticking the minutes away was creating a harmony calming to the senses. 

Shizuo was sitting on the couch silently watching the raven doing wathever activity he was immersed in. The beams of the afternoon sun was caressing the short black tresses of the informant, wrapping the silky tonsure in a golden halo which was borrowing him an innocent look. Although the temporarily ex-debt collector was positive that it was just a mockery. There’s no way the flea was staying away from trouble. He was far from innocent, that one thing he knew for sure.

The raven’s expression eased before a light sigh left his lips.

”Stop with that look, will you? It unnerves me.” he said slightly irate.

A snarky smirk lit up on the blonde’s face.

”That’s good to hear. It’s what you get for unnerving me for ages.”

”I thought you hate my face. It must be a pain in the ass looking at it for a long time.” Izaya said with his usual shit eating grin. ”Why don’t you occupy yourself with something while I’m doing my work?”

The blonde snorted before answering.

”What are you doing anyway?”

”None of your bussiness.”

”No, no. It’s my fucking bussiness if you’ll be in any deep shit. I’m your bodyguard, remember?” 

Shizuo’s voice was tinged with irritation. It was clear like the day that he had a notion about that the other had some shady business going on. And he didn’t want to be a part of it.

Izaya propped his head up by the support of his right hand, placing his elbow on his desk. 

”Are you concerned about my well-being, Shizu-chan?”

”No fucking way.” Shizuo spitted.

”Thought so.” the raven said, his grin easing into a gentle smile. He resumed typing something on his keyboard. ”You know, I’m not the evil villain you’re thinking I am.”

It was a silent comment, leaving his lips like an afterthought. However it errupted a snort from the other man. 

”So, why don’t you go and find something to do while I’m engaged?” 

”Like what?” 

”Hmmm. Like watching tv or reading?” Izaya offered broodingly. ”Oh, I apologize. I didn’t reckon with the capacity of your protozoan brain. It’s highly likely that you can’t even know how to read.” 

The smirk was back on his face in league with a set of mocking eyes boring into Shizuo who was starting to snap by the comment.

”The fuck, you shitty flea! Don’t underestimate me! Damn louse!”

”Hahaha. Then prove me wrong.” 

It was a challenge and Shizuo was up to it. The informant was more than convinced that with a comment like that Shizuo would be angry and would be doing just like he wanted him to do. And that means getting rid of his scrutinizing eyes which was getting on his nerves in the last few days they were spending together. It was the most possible outcome. Well, the other option was less endearing. If his calculation would be wrong the blonde would snap and most likely hurting him. Pissing him off was like Russian Rulette. Thrilling but dangerous. That’s such a shame the raven loved to play with fire.

Shizuo felt his anger building up in him and he sprung up from the couch. He didn’t notice but his fast movement triggered a slight flinch from the raven. But for Izaya’s relief he didn’t intent to beat him up this time. He instead was trotting into Izaya’s bedroom and the sound of fumbling could be heard. 

”What are you doing, you brute?” Izaya asked irritated tensing in his wheelchair. He didn’t like the thought Shizuo rummaging in his stuff.

”Shut up. Looking for a book.”

_Oh, okay, that’s ok then._

He eased his stance and was back to his task again. Shizuo returned to the livingroom a few minutes later with a book in his hand. He sat back on the couch reading. A pleased smile appeared on the informant’s face.

After a short while Izaya grabbed one of his phones and called someone. After a few ringing the line came alive.

”Oh, you still remember my number?” the woman asked in a mocking tone. Izaya laughed.

”Of course I am. Did you miss me, Hisae-chan?” he was mocking her back.

Shizuo raised his head from the book looking up at the raven inquired.

”I told you to not call me by my real name!” the woman grumbled angrily.

”Sorry, sorry, I always forget!” Izaya laughed all the more. 

”So why did you call?” she asked with a sigh.

”Isn’t it obvious? I have been missing you~”

”I know you’re lying. So? Anything happened?”

”I wanted to tell you, that I found the perfect place. So when can you move?”

”I thought that you were joking around when you told me, that you would like to change the Candiru’s base of operation. Are you sure, Izaya-san? You’re not staying in any cities for too long.”

”I started to love this place. I already bought an apartment. So yes. I’m sure.”

His voice was clear and somewhat serious. He was thinking about it for so long. He had been traveling about for five years, not staying in one place for too long. Although he could reach Candiru easily by phone or mail anytime, he wanted to change the location of the agency. As a presindent he wanted to be in touch with his employees directly and would like to meet with the newbies in person. To have an office in the same city he chose to live in sounded good enough. And this city seemed to promise him quite an amount of amusement. 

While he was having his conversation with his employee, Shizuo was perking his ears. He only heard the half of it and it sounded suspiciously close to a conversation between two lovers. He found it unusual to hear this hearty laughter gliding down from the informant’s lips. For any outside beholder he seemed to be happy to speak with whoever he was speaking to at the moment. And judging from the topic, moving together, Shizuo was more than sure that Izaya was speaking with his girlfriend. It was something entirely new for him. He never imagined the flea with a girl. And now that he was listening to them speaking with each other – well, listening to half of what they were speaking about – he was assessing the raven a tad more thoroughly than before. The light smile on Izaya’s lips, the shine in his russet eyes speaking about an honest feeling, maybe happyness and the careful laughter and the serious tone of his decision of settling down were unfamiliar to him. It was a side of Izaya he had never seen before. A side he reserves for the someone on the other side of the line. It spiked an unidentifiable feeling in him. It was like a piece of his soul was missing. Like he was not a whole anymore. Is it because that even the flea has a girlfriend and he hasn’t? That even this detestable man with a shitty personality has someone who was close to him and he has been alone all along? Something suspiciously similar to envy was starting to coil up in him. Well, the flea was possessing a handsome face he had to acknowledge this. Never before had he been checking his features enough as their chases never granted him enough time to do something like that. But now that he had spent some time with the flea and haven’t got anything else to do than looking at him, he realized that the other had the looks. Of course it wouldn’t be a problem for him to twist any girl around his little finger.

”So, when can you come?” Izaya asked.

”How about next week?”

”Sounds good enough. I’ll take care of the paperwork.”

”That’s the least.” she was laughing. ”Do you need anything else?” 

”In fact yes, I do. Can you check up something for me?”

”Ohh, finally starting to sound interesting~”

”You will like it.” Izaya purred. 

”What is it about?”

”I’m sending you a mail.”

”Okay. I’ll be contacting you when I’m ready.”

”Thanks Hisae-chan~”

”Don’t you dare call me that or I’ll never be speaking with you again!”

”Hahaha. Then later~”

With a laugh he hang up and were typing the mail in lightning speed. 

Shizuo didn't have a clue that it was not a romantic phone call at all rather a business related one. He was back to his reading and silence was enveloping the space once again.

Less than an hour later the front door opened up with the chattering of the children. Or rather a chattering of the lively boy accompanied by the morose looking girl. Both Izaya and Shizuo were looking up from what they were doing. 

”Are you ready with your homework?” the raven asked them.

They were nodding in unison.

”Yes~, Izaya-san. Do you give us a lecture today?” the boy asked him enthusiasticly.

”We were neglecting it the past few days, so yes, I should teach you today.”

Shizuo was a bit confused.

”Are you helping them with their studies?”

”Not exactly. It’s more like I’m teaching them instead of they are attending school.”

”What?! Why aren’t they attending school?!” Shizuo yelled in disbelief. He even got up from his sitting position. 

The girl just sat down at the table placing her notes down, while the boy were enlighting Shizuo.

”Izaya-san needs us for his job!” he said proudly. He couldn’t see the information broker’s frantic shaking of his hand, to silence him. ”He teaches us a lot of things from mathematics to English. Just the things we really need for life. In exchange I would like to be helpful and sometimes Izaya-san is asking us to do little jobs for him, like inviting people to our hotel room or holding a door so the bad people can’t get out. I hope I can be more of a helping hand for him!”

Hearing that Shizuo’s adrenaline went to the sky. He turned around swiftly to face the informator sitting behind his desk and he growled at him while stomping his way up to the raven.

”I-za-ya-kuuun~ So you’re using innocent children for your dark schemes? Is it how I think it is?”

”I’m not letting them do any dangerous errands, so chill out, Shizu-chan.” he stated.

”It’s all fun!” Haruto assured the blonde.

”He is paying us for doing things for him. Like buying us clothes and games.” the girl added glancing coldly at their guardian.

”You are hurting my feelings, Himari-chan~” Izaya replied. ”It’s natural for a parent to buy goods for you two. I won’t call it a remuneration.”

”Call it as you like.” 

”Are they your kids?” Shizuo asked flabbergasted. The gears in his head were creaking in intense brainwork. Is it possible for the flea to have kids? They should be around twelve and Izaya left Ikebukuro roughly five years ago, so they should be conceived when Izaya was around eighteen years old. Well it could happen… ”Don’t tell me they are the young fleas?!”

”Who are you calling a flea, old man?!” Himari was shocked while Haruto was clueless.

Izaya on the other hand broke out in an honest laughter. Within seconds tears of joy were gathering in the crook of his eyes.

”Oh my~ I’m really going to die. You’ll be killing me with your jokes. Come on, don’t rack your tiny brain too much on it or else it will break under the pressure, Shizu-chan.”

”I’m not fucking joking and I’ll really kill you if you’re insulting me, fleabag.” Shizuo growled irritatedly. 

Izaya was drying up his tears with the sleeve of his pullover.

”Language, Shizu-chan! I’m just saying you’re thinking too much. How can they be my kids? I didn’t even had a girlfriend in school you know.”

The blonde were eyeing him with a blank look on his face.

”So they are not your kids?”

”Of course not. I am their guardian.” Izaya smirked.

”I would be so happy if Izaya-san would be my father, but I had a father of my own, so Izaya-san is like an older brother to me. He is like a role model. One day I would like to grow into an adult like him!” Haruto said to Shizuo in a voice laced with awe.

”I hope you won’t. Haruto-kun should grow into an adult loved by other humans.” 

”But Izaya-san is also loved by people! Me and Himari-chan are loving you too!”

The girl snorted lightly at that.

”And not just us, but everyone too!”

”I wonder that…” A sad smile curled the raven’s lips up and he was glancing at Shizuo as indication.

Shizuo just snorted in response and glanced to the side. It was evident, that the boy loved the flea unconditionally and he didn’t want to be the one to break his innocent heart. It was clear that the flea misled them and were playing the good parent.

”Okay, so let me see your homework.” Izaya commented and wheeled himself to the table. 

He was checking the tests and compositions and then giving the children a lecture about physics. Shizuo forgot about his previous anger and sat back reading. They were only disturbed by a phone call a few hours later. 

Izaya checked his phone and was sending the children home while answering the phone and wheeling himself to his laptop. It was his employee, Hisae again. Or commonly known as Nec, the hacker of Candiru, the hacking agency Izaya was the director of.

”That was fast.” Izaya complemented by answering the phone.

”As always.”

”So~ what did you find?”

”I’ve checked his e-mails and the cash flow on his account. Which one would you like to hear about first?”

”Let’s start with the cash flow.”

Hearing that Shizuo glanced up from his book again with a suspicious look in his eyes. He already guessed that it’s a bussiness call and it already sounded shady. Izaya had been on the internet most of the time only calling some guys Shizuo didn’t know. It was evident the flea was working on something and there was a high probability that this call also had some connection with all the internet surfing within those few days he has been working for him. Shizuo didn’t ask much about it yet, but he started being ticked off.

”Okay~” Nec said ”So there are tons of ordinary transactions, he was throwing the money about like crazy, that guy… And he was withdrawing a great deal of money from ATM’s all around the town. I wonder what did he do with such a stupendous amount…”

”How much?”

”It has a fluctuation to it, but usually tens of thousands twice or thrice a week. I’m sending you the bank statement.”

”Ok, thanks.” Izaya was checking his mail to see the thing with his own eyes. ”Where did he got so much money? He was a student. Was that pocket money?”

”Nope. He received it from an account registered in Saitama. As it was a private account of an ordinary resident there I’ve also checked the source of the money. This resident recieved it through bank transfer from another private account, an encrypted one registered in Tokyo. And guess what, the money was there cause it was transferred from another encrypted one.”

”Wow. Sounds fishy.” Izaya smirked.

Shizuo furrowed his brows.

”The origin of the money was the account of the Mayor’s office of Utsunomiya exclusively opened to store public founds. And this money travelled through 3 different accounts before landing on the account of Iida Takashi.”

”Malfeasance?”

”Seems like it. But I had to look more deeply into it before giving you a final statement.”

”Okay. And what about the e-mails?”

”He had some friends or acquaintances whom he were exchanging mails regarding something named ’Flush’. I’m still in the middle of checking all of those mails, he had tons of it, but it is highly likely that it’s a name of a psychotropic.”

”Nice guess. More so, I’m risking to state that it’s a bingo.” 

”It sounds dangerous. Don’t do anything rash.”

”Do not fret, I’ll be safe. But it really is touching my heart that you are concerned about me.”

”Don’t think too much into it.” Although she said that, her tone was soft as she really meant what she said.

”Were you able to pinpoint the dealer?”

”Not yet. I’m on it though.”

”Ok, let me know if you have any new information.”

”Got it.”

”And don’t forget, this case is confidental.”

”Yet since when am I your employee, Izaya-san? You should know me better than that.”

”Oh dear, I know you very well.”

”Then see you.”

”Bye.”

Izaya pulled the phone from his ear and placed it down onto his desk. He snapped his head up in surprize upon hearing a loud bang as Shizuo smacked the book to the coffee table. He jumped up from the couch furiously, his hands pulled into fists with knuckles turned to white and a vein popped out on his temple. He was stomping his way up the raven’s desk while Izaya’s eyes were following his movements in agitation.

”What’s up, Shizu-chan?” he asked with a confident smirk altough in reality now he was far from confident seeing the pissed off blonde pacing up to him.

Shizuo smashed his palms onto the surface of the desk bending his upper body to be in eye level with the man he was talking to.

”Now that call sounded extremely fishy, you know, I-za-ya-kuuun~ I know you are up to no good! Mind telling me what evil schames are you doing?!”

Izaya was looking deeply right into the center of those angry hazel eyes. His smirk pulled wider than before. He lowered his head a bit, not breaking eye contact and by cocking his head he asked playfully.

”Shizu-chan, would you like to go to a party with me?”

It threw the blonde off balance immediately. 

”Whaaat?!” he asked back nearly screaming. ”The fuck you’re asking?! How did you come up with that anyway?! Don’t you dare change the subject!”

”I’m not changing it.”

”You do!”

”It has something to do with my answer.”

Shizuo was grunting still irritated. He didn’t ease his posture and were glaring daggers at the smaller man.

”Not up for a party, I see.” Izaya sighed in feigned hurt. ”You don’t like going out or is it just with my person?”

”My patience is wearing thin, flea.”

”Really now, we already know that you didn’t have any to begin with…” 

Shizuo grumbled seeing that irritating smirk adorning the information broker’s equally irritating face.

”Don’t screw with me you pest.” 

It was a warning and although Izaya loved to play with his precious beast he treasured his life better than angering him further. He sighed dramatically in surrender slumping his shoulders and slanting his eyes in the direction of his laptop screen. He started typing on the keyboard.

”This is Iida Takashi, the son of the major of this city. Or rather the late son of his.”

Shizuo knitted his brows in confusion and he was walking around the desk to stand behind Izaya. He was now immensely interested in what this whole thing was about. On the screen he saw a photo of a young and ordinary looking man wearing a hoodie.

”He died a few days ago in a brawl occured in a club. He was stabbed to death.” 

The raven pulled out one of the drawers of his desk catching a newspaper and handing it to Shizuo who was checking the main article on the front page.

”Upon the request of the mourning father I’m undertaking an investigation.” Izaya was going on with the explanation. ”The autopsy showed that he was under the influence of a drug.”

”Isn’t it something the police should deal with?” Shizuo asked now more calmly.

”As it would be a disgrace if the word come out that the Mayor's son was addicted to drugs, of course, the coroner’s mouth is tightly shut by some bribe.”

”What the hell?!”

”It’s how the world works, Shizu-chan. Corruption is all around.”

”So… what do you wanna do?”

”I want to go to the scene and sniffing around a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to let you know that I can't set a schedule of adding new chapters as I have tons of assignments for the university. Sorry for that. I'll be coming with new chapters as soon as I can. Even if it takes some time.  
> Please let me know how do you like the new addition to the plot so far :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting for so long! Thank you very much for your comments and kudos!

”So you wanna go there tonight?” 

Shizuo was smoking idly on the balcony looking over the peaceful neighbourhood asking it as an aside. Izaya was glancing up from his laptop momentarily breaking his eyes free from the files he was sorting when the question hit his ears. It was only yesterday that they were talking about the club where Izaya wanted to go to investigate.

”Tonight seems to be a good time. There will be a smaller concert, which means more people. It would be easier to blend in. Although it can prove to be hard regarding your temper causing trouble everywhere you set your foot in.” 

He came back sorting data with a mocking face. 

Shizuo’s attention was drawn to the konbini at the corner as two children, both around the age of twelve were leaving the shop with ice cream in hand. He was watching them approaching the building while putting out the cigarette in an ashtray and turning around to go back into the apartment. Entering into the living room his eyes settled on the other man for a few heartbeats. Izaya was sitting in his wheelchair as always during the few days of their reunion. Shizuo was wondering how easy it could be to blend in the crazy pulsation of the mass while sitting in a wheelchair. He would be sticking out as a sore thumb.

Izaya just like sensing the other’s eyes on him was looking up again, this time his eyes meeting with the blonde’s. Those brown orbs were searching and he felt naked under the scrutinazing gaze. Like his whole existance was on display for everyone to see. In the old days he would have been delighted to be in the center of attention, the focal point of this certain man, but now he was feeling bared to the skin. Helpless and vulnerable. A weightless frame of fragile bones compared to the immeasurable strenght hidden in the lean muscles of the slender body of the man standing taller than him. The difference between their physical conditions more prominent now than ever before. As much as he would have been appreciating it to be under the gaze of that strong man a few years ago, now a restless feeling nestled itself into the deepest recesses of his consciousness. A feeling borderline on being fully aware of his own mortality as the aching phenomena of once broken arms were transmitting the sensation right up from his limbs to his brain cells in nasty tremors.

He hated the feeling which was a reminder of his weakness and the unpredictable nature of the man standing in front of him. The blonde should be scowling at him by now, bantering that he is the one who is always causing trouble, pulling his fingers into a fist warning him to shut up. He could get on with it. Yet he must be unpredictable again, fixing him with the stare of those unreadable eyes with the calm before the storm. It was unsettlingly uncharacteristic from the blonde to be so collected and quiet and watching him with those searching eyes like looking for a weakness. 

”What?” he asked with a slight strain in his voice as at last he ran out of his patience.

Shizuo tore his eyes away from him and in the direction of the coffee table as he walked around the couch to sit down reading. 

This Shizuo was the same as the one man Izaya had known for years, yet he was someone different. And Izaya felt a bit lost.

Shizuo was now sitting there with a book in hand although he was not reading. There were too many things in his head. This Izaya seemed to be the same man he had known for years, yet he was someone different. Sitting in the confines of his chair all day long with the dignity of a king, yet knowing that there was no solid background for his superior atmosphere. In face of emergency the raven would be helpless deprived from the liberty of fast movement. That wheelchair was his cage as much as it was serving as a lifeline when he felt intimidated from his presense. It felt like he was weaker, like he had been always weaker than him, just the mockery of his tone and the smugness on his face made him blind to it before. He didn’t see him for five long years and now that the flea was right before him again, he was not the same flea as before. As his mobility was hindered, a crack appeared on his shield giving way to expressions Shizuo had never seen before on his face. Like when was with those children, he had a soft smile constantly spreading on his face. This Izaya has the same face but a softer personality. The same knife in regards of appearance but the blade was less sharp. And Shizuo didn’t know what to do with this Izaya. Shizuo felt lost.

Their musings was interrupted by the boy opening the front door. 

”Izaya-san!”

”You’re back!”

”Yes, I am. I have a question for you.” he initiated. Izaya nodded with an easygoing expression, encouriging him to continue and so he did. 

”In the bookstore I’ve seen a book I’m interested in. Is it ok to buy it?” 

”Ohhh, what kind of book? I’m eager to know what topic piqued the interest of my Haruto-kun.” Izaya inquired keenly. Haruto usually only shown interest in the things he also has his own interest so he really wanted to know why Haruto asked for his permission to buy a book. For a fleeting moment the idea that it is something not meant for children crossed his mind. Why else would the boy ask him? 

”Well it’s about astronomy… I have been thinking about how wonderful is it ever since we went to the Planetarium.” Haruto answered shyly as it was something he shouldn’t delve himself into.

”Astronomy… you say?” Izaya asked with eyebrows raised. Well it surprized him a bit. Haruto was a child who rarely were able to concentrate on anything for a longer period of time. It’s not like he was a loggerhead, he was just way too childish and insincere. It really was a surprise that he channeled his divided interest into one specific field.

”You are not into astronomy, Izaya-san?” His voice sounded a bit disheartened.

”It has it’s own interesting quality, but I’m more into the things concerning my beloved humans. Stars are way too distant a thing to have any connection with the human factors I greatly adore.”

Haruto’s enthusiasm volumed down hearing that. He felt himself slightly ashamed to be interested in something so different than what his beloved Izaya-san liked. Izaya immediately noticed the change in the boy’s expression and he reminded himself that he preferred the boy to walk on a better path of life than he himself follows, so he tried to encourage him a bit. While he was wondering how much he cared for the children. He was way too young when he was entrusted with the wearisome task of raising up his twin sisters. He made some huge mistakes then, and he wanted to be a good brother this time. 

”If you like the book you should buy it.” he said ”You are good in Physics and soon you should decide which field would you like to choose. Astronomy sounds good. Even if it has nothing to do with people. For you the important thing is to immerse yourself in something you yourself is curious about. Also JAXA has quite a number of facilities throughout the country. I can totally image you as professor working in one of those facilities.”

It did the trick as Haruto’s face lightened up again and with more enthusiasm as before he said.

”Thank you, Izaya-san! If you say so, I really would buy that book!”

And with that he stormed out of the apartment in a hurry to the bookstore. 

”Oh my, in the end, he’s still buying it because I recommended him to do so…” 

There was a soft smile on Izaya’s lips.

”I have a vague feeling that you’re manipulating the boy. But if it’s for his own interest, I won’t raise a complaint.” Shizuo told him seriously.

”Not like you have any words in what I do with the children. They are under _my_ care, Shizu-chan.” 

”Hmpf. I just hope you won’t be using them for your investigations. It’s risky.”

”I know that too. Anyhow, about tonight’s mission. I have some instructions for you.”

The blonde scowled hearing that.

”Instuctions?” He asked back with a displeased frown.

”I don’t want things to go awry, so it’s better to clear the rules beforehand. In the club I will do the speaking. It would be a nuisance if you would say something stupid or making a scene.”

”Are you mistaking me for an idiot? Izaya-kun~”

”I wouldn’t dare~” Izaya mocked him with his trademark smirk plastered onto his face. ”So, if someone ask you about something I will lead the conversation. Do not say anything unnecessary. Also, don’t lose your cool under any circumstances.”

”I’ll trying.” 

”Magnificant. Your one and only function is to protect me. I assume nothing grandiose will happen, but better safe than sorry.”

And with that they reached an agreement. 

******************************

Later that night they were ready to go. Izaya was wearing his usual black clothes and he asked Shizuo to do the same. This way they would be harder to spot in an underground club with dim lighting. And for him it would be easier to observe. 

It was around ten o’clock in the evening by the time they stopped for security check-up at the entrance of the club The Den. The club belonged to the local yakuza, the Shimori-kai with a cluster of pleasure-ground and casinos catering the needs of a wide variety of customers from the average teenagers to the high-class businessmen. This one facility had a plain-looking entrance with neon lights over it and grumpy looking security stuff on both sides. They eyed the new-comers suspiciously for a long moment, but seeing Izaya’s confident conduct and decieving smile they let them through. The pair didn’t have any weapon on themselves anyway. The switchblade was absent from Izaya’s pockets for a while, but Shizuo was a weapon walking on two legs anyway. Not that the security stuff knew anything about it.

When they entered into the club the concert was already going on with the music pulsating all around encompassing the equally pulsating crowd. Izaya guided Shizuo to a spot behind the mass of people to a table in one of the offsets. It provided him with a great view to the clubbers while at the same time he was more or less able to blend into the shadows. He also could see the counter from their position. They have been sitting around for which felt like forever to Shizuo. At first he were looking around checking the club itself which resembled a cave or a den. He just realized after a few long minutes that the name of the place was the epiphany of the place itself. 

”It’s like a theme restaurant without food.” he commented astounded.

A light laughter broke out from between Izaya’s lips.

”Missing the food, Shizu-chan? For our next date I will be taking you to a restaurant then.”

Shizuo snorted at that.

After a few minutes of silence between them and silent observation from the raven’s part, Shizuo called out again.

”So what are we going to do?”

Izaya glanced at him and with passive eyes he responded.

”We? No. You won’t be doing anything.”

”Tsk. You know what I mean, flea.” 

Shizuo already started to lose his patience. It was boring to just sit and wait while Izaya was, well, doing his human observation thing.

The raven sighed and motioned Shizuo to come closer to him. When Shizuo pulled his chair closer, Izaya leaned on his ear started murmuring like they were having an intimate conversation. It made the hairs stand on the blonde’s neck, but Izaya hushed him.

”Just pretend that we are discussing something funny. Like I’m sharing a joke or a story, okay?”

Shizuo nodded.

”There are a separate bunch of people on the other side of the room. Don’t look their direction! Just listen to me. It seems they are some kind of a stuff as some of them just had a conversation with the bartender and one went into a stuff only room at the back.”

”Are they security?”

”I don’t think so. They are wearing similar clothes like the clubbers as they are trying to blend in. But upon closer inspection they are all having the same tattooes indicating they are in the same group.”

”Something to stand out, like the case with the color bands. I see.”

”Yeah, something like that. Oh.”

Shizuo turned around looking at the direction Izaya was speaking about to check what drew the raven’s attention. He had to look around twice to spot the small group of tattooed guys in a corner opposite the bar. One of the clubbers went around to them and they were conversing about something before one of the members led the customer somewhere out of the room. 

”Seems like the dealers are here.” Izaya said in an evened out voice. ”Just the way I planned.”

”You planned? Don’t tell me you wanna catch them or something?” 

”Catch them? Don’t make me laugh, Shizu-chan. Just look at me. Do you think I’m capable of arresting them or something?” he laughed wholeheartedly even though he was partially laughing out his own physical condition. 

Shizuo shot a quick glance at the wheelchair and he felt a tinge of embarrassement for a fleeting moment before asking. 

”Than what are you up to?” It wasn’t challenging just a simple question this time.

”I want to buy some drugs from them of course.”

”Whaaaat?!” Shizuo sprung up from his chair shouting. 

The shadow of irritation crossed Izaya’s features before he was fixing his smirk. Thanks to the loud music and the cheering voices of the crowed, only those who were in near proximity heard the blonde yelling. 

”Hold your horses, Shizu-chan. You don’t have to be so flustered.”

When Shizuo sat back he continued.

”I want to buy some for checking them out.” 

He really hoped that the blonde would understand the subtext. 

”But first why won’t we drink something?” he asked the blonde. He didn’t want to be seen suspicious for coming here for the first time and walking straight up to the dealers as he already knew who they were. Of course with his excellent skills he was able to spot them right away but he preferred his skills remain hidden.

Shizuo was eyeing him upon hearing the question. He was trying hard to figure out what Izaya had in mind, but gave up quite fast and with a sigh he conceded. He stood up and pushed Izaya to the counter. When they arrived there, Izaya stood up staggering and tried to sit on one of the stools to be in eye level with the bartender. Although he had difficulties as he didn’t use his legs for a long time. Shizuo noticed him struggling and instinctively caught him when he was about to fall. 

”Why don’t you ask for help, dammit!” he complained and helped Izaya on the stool.

Izaya flashed a grateful smile at him which was once again an expression Shizuo had never seen on him. He had a feeling that the raven just pretended, but he didn’t care.

”What would you like to drink.” the bartender asked them when both of them were sitting at the counter. 

”Beer for me. Thank you.” Izaya ordered. Then he glanced at the blonde and offered. ”It’s on me tonight. For our partnership.”

Shizuo tried his best and smirked back at him. 

”Plum vine, please.” 

The bartender nodded and went to get their drinks.

”Plum vine? Are you a girl, Shizu-chan?”

”Shut up.”

Izaya laughed giddily as they were just two friends having a night out.

”Are you new here? I guess I have never seen you before.” the bartender asked them while serving them their drinks.

Shizuo felt panic creeping up his spine as he racked his mind to come up with a passable answer, but Izaya saved him the trouble more likely because he saw the blonde’s expressions and wanted to prevent him saying nonsense.

”Yes we are. You have quite the eye, bartender-san.”

He was answering smirking and hitting a conversational tone while raising his beer in the air for a cheers and took a gulp from it.

”Not at all. We mostly have regulars. Since it’s rare to see new faces it's easy to tell, you're new.”

”Oh I see. This club has it’s own atmosphere so it’s not a wonder there are so many regulars here.” 

”Yeah, definitely.” the bartender looked around proudly ”This club has a great interior and we play popular music. But the crowd today is nothing compared to other days.”

”Really? Even though there are so many people here today.”

Izaya was waiting for a reaction and as he didn’t get any he decided to probe the ground.

”I’ve read in the newspaper that there was an incident here recently. Is it why there are less people here today?”

”I think so.” 

The bartender looked him in the eye for a moment before answering, but as Izaya still had the cheerful expression on him, he didn’t mind speaking about it.

”To tell you the truth…” Izaya leaned forward a bit to get closer to the bartender ”…We wanted to come here earlier, but something came up. I’m a bit relieved myself that we couldn’t make it. It was that day... and I’m not found of seeing blood.”

”Wow really? Than it’s such a good luck.” the bartender commented surprised. ”So you're living in Utsunomiya? Or just travelling?”

”We are living here. We moved here recently so we are still relatively new here.” 

”Relocation within the company?”

”Something like that.” Shizuo interjected just to become the part of the conversation. Although Izaya told him to refrain from speaking, it felt really odd to be left out. 

Izaya looked at him smirking, eyes unreadable. Shizuo didn’t know whether he was angry for him to interrupt or not. He hated that he couldn’t guess what the other was thinking. 

”Anyway, I am wondering does this kind of incident happening often here in this city?” Izaya asked.

”I can’t tell you that. In this club it’s not frequent though. It was an accident.”

”Yeah, the news said so. I hope the victim was not a regular too.”

Izaya immediately noticed the wince of the bartender and deemed not asking too much, or else he would be too suspicious.

”Well, you can say so.”

”You see, bartender-san…” the raven said voice low enough to not be overheard by other customers ”Although we are new here, we got acquaintanced by some guys and they told me to come to this club if I want be _on a high_.”

The bartender also flashed a smile at him hearing it.

”Then it can be that your acquintances are regulars here.”

”Maybe. They didn’t tell me about that.”

”What did they tell you about?”

Shizuo shot his glances back and fro between Izaya and the bartender. He felt the tension of the situation and his stomach churned from it. It was the first time he were able to see the flea actually working, gathering information on the field, speaking with the yakuza or someone supposedly connected to it and the flea was fearless. He was bold to cut to the main topic so suddenly, without beating around the bush and at the same time actually beating around the bush not saying it out directly but playing a game of words. And he enjoyed it. It was evident in the beaming of his dark eyes. 

”They were saying that there’s a guy named Shinode or something and he is selling dreams.”

Recognition alighted the bartender’s eyes and he answered motioning to the tattooed group.

”Indeed you can buy dreams here. The vendors are just around the corner.”

Izaya nodded and after gulping down his beer he thanked and asked Shizuo to help him into his wheelchair. Then they started in the direction of the group. Shizuo leaned closer to him and were asking whispering to Izaya.

”Who is that Shinode guy? You know him?”

”I will tell you later.” Izaya managed before they were reaching their destination. The group members stopped talking to each other and glanced down at Izaya. Their looks were contemptuous and surprised by noticing the wheelchair. If it bothered Izaya he didn’t show it. 

”Hello!” he greeted the group instead. ”I’m looking for dreams. I heard a guy named Shinode is selling them.”

”Shinode isn’t here today.” one of them informed him ”Yet we can also assist you. Follow me.”

He showed them into a separate room way smaller than the concert hall they have been coming from. There was a couch and some armchairs there surrounding a coffee table littered by small tablets. A girl was streching on the coach and two tall and menacing guard-like men were standing at a wall measuring them. 

The girl stood up when she laid her eyes on them and walked up to Shizuo to press her body to his from behind while saying.

”Hello nice boy, you wanna be high with me?”

Shizuo flinched as adrenalin was jolting through his body upon the contact. He felt tension growing inside him tenfolds with the feeling of the girl’s supple body so alien to him and with the perplexity of what to do in a situation so surreal like that. 

Izaya’s eyes widened out for a moment seeing the girl boldly flirting with Shizuo, but he schooled his expressions fast and with a smirk he addressed the girl.

”My friend is not interested in these kind of things dear lady. But I’m more than eager to do the deed with you.”

The girl let go of the blonde and walked around the wheelchair to face Izaya this time. Without any hesitation she sat down onto his lap. 

Shizuo grumbled out aloud seeing this unashamed behaviour, but he stopped himself doing anything stupid when their guide from the tattooed group announced.

”These guys are here for pills, Rio-chan. He is new, so let him examine it first.”

”Okay~” the girl named Rio responsed and the guide left the room.

”So, how much you need, nice boy?”

”It depends on the price and the quality sweetie.” Izaya answered.

”It's usually fifteen thousand for five pills, but as you are new here, I can give it to you for twelve this time.”

”Hmmm, sounds good.”

”You won’t be disappointed in it, it’s quality material.” Rio assured him. 

And with that she reached out to put one pill onto her tongue and by snaking her arms around Izaya’s neck she kissed him tongues entangling and the pill was transferred into the raven’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be much more longer than the other one's so I decided it to split up. Sorry for the cliffhanger~  
> The next chappy will be out pretty soon I promise ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> I'm back in lightening speed ^^  
> Thank you for your comments and kudos!

”You won’t be disappointed in it, it’s quality material.” Rio assured him. 

And with that she reached out to put one pill onto her tongue and by snaking her arms around Izaya’s neck she kissed him tongues entangling and the pill was transferred into the raven’s mouth.

Shizuo was so flabbergasted that at first he completely freezed. Even when his brain rebooted itself he had a hard time deciding what to do. That bitch just kissed Izaya! And she put the drug into his mouth! He felt the oh so familiar sensation of hot white anger coursing through his body. He grabbed the handle of the wheelchair in a deadly embrace the metal squeaking in protest.

Should he go against his principles and beat the shit out of her? Also there’s the problem with the bodyguards. They would attack as soon as Shizuo try to harm that bitch and Izaya could be hurt. 

While Shizuo was boiling from anger, Izaya experienced excess panic clutching his heart in an icy hold. There was a fucking psychotropic pill in his mouth! And he couldn’t spit it out or else they will be in deep shit. He hated drugs and their effects on the human brain. 

He heard a squeaking sound right next to his ears and he knew that it’s Shizuo and he’s angry as hell. He had to do something and fast! So he did the only thing he could do in that unnerving and disadvantagous situation. He smirked. 

”Wow, to be mouth-fed by a sexy girl like you is quite something.” he commented voice unwavering. 

The girl unwinded her arms from around his neck. 

Shizuo let his withheld breath out and with it he tried to expell the tension too. It was not an easy task to do. But Izaya smirked, so he must have had an idea how to get rid of the pill. Maybe he already spitted it or something. 

”Put the pill under your tongue and wait for it to dissolve. You will like it.”

_’I can’t get rid of it!’_

”So, about the other pills…” he said and reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet and the twelve thousand for payment.

Rio slipped from his lap and paced up to the couch to recover her bag and pull a small, transparent plastic bag out with five pills in it. She handed it to Izaya while Izaya gave the money to her. 

”It was nice to have business with you, sexy boy. I hope you’ll enjoy the effects of it. You don’t have to wait too long. Also come back if you need another round.”

She was grinning playfully while offering it to him.

”Definitely.” Izaya replied. ”Then we’ll be going back to the party. See you next time.”

Shizuo didn’t say anything just manoeuvred him out of the stuffy room. 

”What the fuck was that?” he asked when he was out and beyond earshot from the group. ”She just feed you with it! What shitty plan did you have, flea!”

A smile crept up to Izaya’s lips hearing the fuming of the blonde. It warmed his heart that Shizuo was angry because of it. It meant that he cared. At least he hoped so.

”Believe it or not, it was not included in my calculations. I was as surprised as you were.”

His bodyguard snorted and asked in a much calmer tone.

”So how did you spit it out?”

”I never told you that I spit it out.”

”Whaaat?!” Shizuo was furious again.

Izaya propelled himself to a leather couch located in one of the corners and motioned the blonde to sit down on it. 

”I couldn’t do that and by now it already dissolved. So cool down your head and sit down here. We can’t leave right after the bargain, it would be more than suspicious. Let’s pretend we are enjoying ourselves, chatting and listening to the music. Within an hour we’ll be leaving.”

Shizuo nodded in consent and he plopped down onto the couch. Then he was studying the raven’s smirking face with searching eyes. It vexed Izaya who didn’t like to be… observed so much. He now had an overall idea how other’s have been feeling under his own observing gaze and frowned invardly at that. That’s how the hunter became the hunted. 

”Do you usually throw yourself into dangerous situations like that?” the blonde asked at last on an even voice.

”Are you asking whether I usually try out drugs before buying them? No. That was the very first and hopefully the very last time I’ve done that.”

Izaya’s voice was also even, which was a great gap between the smirk he was still sporting on his lips. If Shizuo had thought about it he would have realized that there’s a pattern when Izaya was smirking.

”I’m not just speaking about the drugs, but everything. You’re playing risky games all the time indulging in yakuza things and so on. Even now that you’re…” he glanced at the wheelchair but his wandering eyes didn’t linger ”Nevermind… What I’m trying to say is that you should refrain from endangering yourself.”

Izaya raised his eyebrows at that amused.

”Wow, Shizu-chan, am I dreaming? I would have never guessed that one day I would be hearing these kind of things from your mouth. Your concern is warming my heart~”

”Oh shut up!” Shizuo scowled and Izaya started to laugh.

”It’s not a laughing matter, dammit! Are you even listening to what I say?” the blonde was fuming.

”I do~” 

”So how you managed to stay alive in the last few years? Hah, fleas don’t die easily I guess.”

”Thank you for your kind words. I had a bodyguard.” 

Although Izaya answered in a light tone, there was a hint of a frown crossing his features for a moment hearing the second part of what Shizuo said.

”Anyway, let’s drop this topic already. Why don’t we speak about something less serious.” 

”Like what?” the blonde asked finger’s searching for his pack of cigarettes. Izaya recognized what he’s about to do.

”It’s not allowed to smoke indoors, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo stood up at that and was about to go outside, but Izaya stopped him.

”And you’re not allowed to leave me here. It can wait an hour, isn’t it?”

Shizuo grumbled something, but Izaya didn’t care what it was. Instead he started a lighthearted conversation by asking about Shizuo’s brother. The blonde was being overly suspicious but he dropped his discomfort and started to speak about his brother’s newest films and how busy he got when he was strucked by a question failed to come up in his mind until now.

”Speaking of it, your sisters never mentioned to anybody that you’re alive.”

The dim lighting of the room hid the twitch of his mouth from the blonde.

”I guess they didn’t care about it anway.” 

Shizuo furrowed his brows at Izaya’s comment. The raven’s facial expression indicated that he also didn’t care what his sisters are thinking about him, but there was a slight tremor in his tone which was crumbling the message of carelessness his features tried to convey. 

”What are you talking about? They should have cared about it. You’re siblings after all.”

Izaya started to feel his head swimming as his senses sharpened to an extent where he was able to hear noises he had never guessed he could percieve. While the music was only a background noise before now it reigned his senses, pulsating within the veins netting his body, the blood circulating within him throbbing enleague with the rhythm. It was one of the best things he had ever experienced, filling him with euphoria as his mood elevated within a heartbeat. An elated smile stretched on his lips, which was different from his usual smirk. Shizuo stopped speaking as he noticed the change in the other’s demeanour and the odd smile he was flashing at him.

”What?” he asked cautiously although he didn’t get an answer from the raven.

Instead Izaya started humming to himself, tapping on the armrest of his chair in synch with the rhythm of the music. It was bright as day that he wasn’t paying attention to what Shizuo was speaking about. 

”Oi, flea…” he tried again and this time he actually got a response, however what Izaya said made him creasing his brows in confusion and alert.

”Do you feel it, Shizu-chan? It intensifies in one minute and fading in the next just to increase again. It’s like I have a pulsar in me pulling the soundwaves into my blood-vessels. I’m one with the music.”

Shizuo frowned in displeasure.

”I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

Izaya tilted his head to the side watching the blonde intrigued. He couldn’t understand why the other can’t even understand such a basic thing as this.

”I guess you’re really a protozoan.” he offered moonily. 

Shizuo would have been angry if he hasn’t been confused enough by the flea’s behaviour. He suspected that it was the effect of the psychedelic.

”I want to drift with you.” Izaya announced with an overly happy smile adorning his face. ”We should dance!”

Before Shizuo had enough time to comprehend it, Izaya raised himself from the chair and on wobbly legs he started in his direction. They were only a few steps away from each other but it was hard enough for the raven’s unused legs to coordinate itself properly. Shizuo also stood up to stop him just in time to catch the raven who were losing his balance and stumbling forward. Shizuo hooked his arms under the raven’s arms and they were free-falling onto the couch.

”Oh shit! Flea, what’re you doin’?”

They were sprawled on the furniture with Izaya on top of Shizuo, his legs entangled with his. Although he immediately collected himself fighting to push himselft up and into the blonde’s lap, his tights caging Shizuo from both sides. The moment he clinged his palm into Shizuo’s shirt for purchase and sliding his legs grazing Shizuo’s own, the blonde felt something hard pressing into him from between the raven’s legs. He didn’t even had to look down to see the evident bulge. He felt embarrasement painting his face deep red as his eyes locked with the raven’s dilated ones. 

”Oi, Izaya!” 

The blonde called out to him despair lacing his voice. He had never been in a predicament like that before. The flea was markedly out of his mind, his face flushed, his bloodshot eyes disoriented, his breath slightly panting hot at his cheeks and body pressing to him like in fire. He himself felt his own skin prickling hot and he tried to push the other away in desperate attempt to gain some space between them, only to be surprised as how much energy the flea’s lithe body had in itself, clinging to him like he was a lifeline and murmuring into his ears, the humidity of his breathing tingling him during the process.

”Dance with me, Shizu-chan!”

Shizuo succeded to grab the raven’s arms untangling them from around his neck and with a swift motion he raised him up by the waist and placed him next to himself on the couch. A dissatisfied pout found it’s way on Izaya’s face. He grasped the leather surface of the couch feeling the texture tensing cold at his overheated touch. It successfully diverted his attention from the blonde and he glanced down at the material, fingers sliding on it, mapping the surface. He felt every score and pore on it with cutting sharpness. His skin was sensitive to the touch and even he felt his clothes grazing at his skin uncomfortably. 

Then he glanced back at the blonde capturing his gaze, the strands were vivid yellow in high contrast to the grey walls wobbling around them, gliding away to the distance just to glide back encompassing them again. It created a minutely changing landscape like an enclosure to separate them from the outside world while the music was still throbbing through his veins elevating his spirit to a high he had never experienced before.

Meanwhile Shizuo was apalled by his archenemy’s behaviour with thoughts haywire and his heart beating franticly inside his ribcage. He was in utter panic as he didn’t have a clue what to do with the other. Izaya was not himself. He would never want to dance with him, never want to be this close to him, especially not after what happened between them five years prior. Damn it, he was even afraid of him a few days before! And now the raven was crawling up to him again, hazy and intoxicated eyes fixated on his dumbfounded ones. His slender fingers touched his shoulders again searching for purchase, but Shizuo snapped himself out of his trance and grabbed the frail wrists to keep them away from him. He inhaled the air full of tension to brace himself for the struggle he most likely have to have with the raven, when said raven drew himself away from him just to lunge forward pressing his mouth onto his own and sliding his wet tongue along the blonde’s lips to ask for an entrance.

Another wave of panic washed through the blonde and he was tossing the raven aside roughly. He was panting harshly from all what had been transpired only a moment ago. His feelings was in complete disarray, couldn’t deciding whether it was anger, fear or something unidentifiable blazing in him. 

”What the fuck you’re doing, Izaya?! We’re enemies, remember?!” he snapped at him infuriated while he was still grabbing the other’s wrist tightening the hold to an aching level.

Izaya winced under the hold and the haziness was gradually fading from his look giving place to recognition. His dark eyes widened as flashbacks of his mortal combat with a blonde monster seething with rage rushed into his mind as he was reliving the memories realistic enough for him to feel like it was just happening at the very moment. He felt his bones shattering, disintegrating under the pressure of those deadly fingers and he saw his own demise reflecting in the eyes of his life long enemy. His frame shuddered and he violently broke his wrists free from the blonde’s grasp, soothing them in his lap while intense trembling took reign of him. 

Shizuo held out his hand to touch the raven’s shoulder, but Izaya swatted his hand away and he yelled at him.

”Don’t touch me!”

The fear triggered by the drug clouded his mind and he felt a pang of sharp pain in his chest. He leaned forward and raised his shaking hands up to cover his face with them. His voice was rasped and quiet when he spoke again.

”I want to go home.”

”Okay.” Shizuo conceded as he snaked one of his arms around the raven’s waist and placed the other one under the popliteal to raise him up and place him back into his wheelchair. 

Izaya gasped in surprise upon the contact but by the time he was able to raise a complaint or putting up with any kind of resistance, he was already put down into safety. Shizuo grabbed the handle of the wheelchair and wheeled him out of the club followed by the suspicous eyes of the bartender.

******************************

The way back home was a long one. Izaya has been trembling like a leaf the whole time, mumbling fragmented sentences into the cold of the night and panting and sobbing in turns. Shizuo was lost to what he should do about it. The distressed state of his enemy cut into his heart like a blade. He didn’t like to see him this… miserable. He tried to put one of his hands soothingly onto the shoulder of the other but the raven drew himself away desperately every time so he gave up.

”I want to go home.” Izaya whispered like a mantra.

”I’m on it.” Shizuo commented tiredly. 

”I want to… go back.”

”We are going back…”

”Ikebukuro…”

Shizuo halted. He glanced down warily onto the crown of the ink black hair. Then his look wandered onto the man’s shaking hands grasping desperatly into the fabric covering his legs. 

”You have been living in Shinjuku.” he sighed at last.

Izaya didn’t provide an answer to his comment. 

They resumed their way back home when Shizuo heard him saying.

”I want to go back…” 

******************************

Shizuo was more than relieved when they arrived back to the apartment. He pulled the keys out of the raven’s pockets and opened the door up. He pushed the wheelchair into the center of the livingroom and left the raven there so he could walk up into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Izaya had been quiet during the last half an hour and his trembling also subsided which was a good sign. Shizuo didn’t know how long this drug-induced state will last so he opted to wait it out.

When he paced back into the livingroom the sight which welcomed him made his blood boil in anger. Izaya was out of his wheelchair again, staggering on unsteady legs and doing his best to reach the door of the apartment. It was a miracle that he was still standing. Shizuo smacked the glass down onto the table spilling the water everywhere but he had more urging matters than caring about it. He stride up to Izaya and grabbed his wrists again. 

”Where the fuck are you going for fuck’s sake?! Dammit!” he snapped.

Izaya shot his eyes at him malignantly. Shizuo flounced back for a minute looking into those lunatic eyes. 

”I’m going home!” Izaya said frustrated.

”You’re home!” Shizuo yelled and he looked around astonished as he just took in his surroundings.

”Ok, now sit back or go to sleep.” 

Shizuo wanted to snatch him up, but he resisted fervently by flailing and hitting him with the weightless pounding of his knuckled fists. 

”Release me! I hate you! Let me go!” 

Shizuo ran out of his patience scooped the fighting raven up and was stomping his way up to the couch where he unceremoniously dropped him down onto it with a snort.

Izaya opened his eyes wide in panic and made a whimpering sound before all the air was pressing out of his lungs. He was hitting the couch with his back and it sent unbearable pain jolting through the length of his spine. He sqeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth to impede the sounds of pain leaving his mouth. A whole river of tears started to flow from his eyes shut tight. 

The angry expression eased on Shizuo’s face at once as he sensed there was something really off with the behaviour of the other. He creased his forehead in helpless frustration. 

”What’s your problem?” he asked at last with a voice trembling slightly. It seemed he caused great physical torment to the smaller man. ”Your legs?”

The air started to circulate again in Izaya’s windpipe and he held up his left hand to hide his face behind his palm while panting hard and spasmodically. His whole body was trembling from the tension. 

”My… back…” he said hiccuping palm still hiding his pain distorted face.

A stinging sensation hit Shizuo’s heart upon the voice. It was clear like the sun, that he caused tremendous pain to the other even though he didn’t intend it this time. He felt really bad for it. Izaya was way too pathetic in his current state. Even more pathetic than during their last fight in Ikebukuro. At least there his body hasn’t been limited into a wheelchair. It felt really bad to hurt someone physically helpless and weaker than him. The trace of concern shadowed his features.

”Flea… are you okay?” he asked uncertain.

Izaya wiped his face with the back of his hands and tried to turn sideways to prop himself onto his side to be able to sit up. Although he grabbed the side of the couch instead when his back stiffened from the movement. Shizuo stood in front of him and slid one of his arms under Izaya’s shoulders to help him sit up.

”Of course… I’m not okay… you dumbass…” the raven said in a strained voice.

”My bad.” the blonde apologized, but Izaya haven’t heard him.

Izaya was laid back on the couch and was laying there unmoving for a long time before he fell asleep all the while Shizuo was sitting next to the couch in silence, watching the frail form of the other. He had enough time to think as it is. Thinking about Izaya’s condition which didn’t seem too promising. He was emotionally unstable that one thing was sure. Shizuo didn’t know if it has been like that during the last few years or was it only thanks to his presence. He suspected it is mostly the latter, but Izaya mentioned before that he was having a nightmare about him very frequently. And he hated the thought of it. Noone deserved to undergo such torments, not even Izaya. And most of all not because of him. He hated the flea and while they were in Tokyo he was sure he wanted to see him dead or at least out of his precious city, but he never wanted to see him suffer like that. 

Watching the tear streaked face of the sleeping raven he was feeling guilt and remorse marred him from the inside. He wanted to help his enemy turned employer. And he was holding out his hand unconsciously sliding his fingers through the silky strands whispering unknowingly.

”I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling for Izaya ❤︎ He's such a cutie and I'm letting him suffer, but I like that too~ Happiness will be more sweet like that.  
> In the next chapter the plot will be thickening.  
> I'll be attending a lecture about the effects of psychotropics to the mind next week so I hope I will be more educated in the topic for the following chapters :) As I have never tried any kind of drugs before and not willing to do so ever, I'm living on documents about it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm really sorry for the loooooong wait :( I finally managed to write one additional chapter. My schedule is entirely unpredictable. I won't drop the story but it's highly likely that there will be long time interval between the chapters. I'm sorry for that.

The next morning found them in the living room. Izaya was laying on the couch where Shizuo dropped him yesterday and where sleep engulfed his brain. He was opening his eyes with a slight moan, his limbs were numb from the uncomfortable sleeping position. The numbness in his legs was not a news for him at all, although he preferred his arms not tingling first thing in the morning. Also the sunbeams seeping through the light silky material of the curtain veiling the panorama beyond the glass panes of the balcony were hurting his still tired eyes. He blinked a few times before the ceiling lamp came into focus entirely. When his eyesight sharpened with his sobering senses, he was becoming aware of the light snoring near him. He didn't has to guess whose snoring he was hearing. Then he turned his head sideways, his field of vision sliding from the lamp to the coffee table before halting on the sight of the blonde curling up into the armchair in a seemingly uncomfortable position.

He couldn't phatom why the blonde left him there and moreover why he stayed next to him the whole night while he had his own cozy bed behind the door of his room. He was the same old brute yesterday night, when he dropped him there. Why would he care what happened to him afterwards. Speaking of which, his memories of the night before was hazy and obscure. He remembered receiving the drug which entailed a whole mess of pictures in his head, supposedly, the memories of the night. Although he was unsure what really happened and what was only the game of his mind. He was happy which was a rare occurance and was afraid which has been something unheard of when he was still the constant factor in the everydays of Ikebukuro. Until the biggest miscalculation of his existance happened and when he came to, he learned about his circumstances and his returning nightmares begun. He was afraid in his nightmares and he hated the feeling. And now, only reminiscing the clutches of fear tormented him just a night ago, it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. 

He decided to get up from the couch, but when he was looking around searching for his wheelchair, he realized that it was quite a distance away. He sighed in anger before turning back to the sleeping blonde with a frown on his face.

"Wake up, protozoan!" he yelled, but the other did not even wince.

"Shi-zu-chaaaaan! Waaaaaake uuuuup!" he tried again, this time with success as Shizuo twitched himself into consciousness, although a slight confusion was evident on his frowning face.

"What?" he asked looking around. 

Within a few moments he noticed that he was in the living room sitting in a chair maybe for hours. And then his eyes focused on the raven sitting on the couch, his features screaming he was utterly unsatisfied. 

"You're awake." he stated.

"I am." the raven answered "Although it's a mistery why I am still on the couch. I have a fluffy bed just a room away. Yet you dropped me off here like some trash..."

"You wanted to go back." Shizuo informed him calmly. 

"Back?" he raised his eyebrows at that. 

"Ikebukuro." 

This answer made a painful feeling erupting from the deepest corners of his heart. It hurt like a slap in the face. Yes, he wanted to go back. How he wanted to go back, yet he was afraid of the monster lurking there. The monster of his scariest nightmares. 

Shizuo noticed the odd expression on his face which he couldn't put his finger on. This new Izaya was a mistery to him. He didn't know how to unscrumble all these new faces the flea was showing him. 

"You really wanna go back?" he asked uncertain. Izaya could have returned if he really wanted to. At least if he would have been the Izaya he knew. "Why didn't you come back then?" 

Izaya winced for a second before the same old smirk pulled his lips upwards.

"You wanted me out of town and when I finally listened to you, you're still unsatisfied? Did you miss me?" he asked in a mocking tone.

That fucking smirk and the tone he hitted irritated Shizuo beyond measure.

"Me missing _you_? Don't delude yourself, flea." Shizuo chuckled humorless.

Before Izaya could react the door to the apartment opened up revealing the young boy standing on the treshold. 

"You are finally awake!" he exclaimed happily letting him in. "And you are both in high spirits I see! Was the party that good?" 

The blonde and the raven both glanced at the smiling boy. Haruto was excited to hear about the party he and Himari was not allowed to go. And he couldn't read the situation at all. Though the girl following him was able to tell 'high spirits' and 'mocking spirits' apart only after a glance and commented.

"Looking at Izaya-san's shitty face it must have been the night of night's for him. I'm glad he had a nice time! Now, Haruto-kun, can you please move out the way and bring the food to the table?"

Haruto hummed and did as she said immediately. Meanwhile Shizuo took a good look at Izaya and only now he noticed the dark bags under his eyes, remainder of his tears and the anguish caused by the nightmares he unfortunatly have been able to witness. The distress on the raven's sleeping face, the strained whimpers and those three words he knew he would never be able to forget. 

He was feeling a bit ashamed for mocking Izaya back, but he couldn't stop himself. It was evident that the flea was feeling awful at the moment. He stood up and without a word he fetched the wheelchair wheeling it up to Izaya so he can help himself to the table.

The breakfast was as lively as ever. Haruto was chattering away switching from topic to topic, not even finishing one before going on to the next. The only difference from the previous eating together was that Izaya today was unusually calm. 

"Haruto-kun, Himari-chan." he called their name suddenly. "Today I have a favour to ask you two."

Haruto's eyes was glistening up with interest, while the girl was as passive as ever.

"Another errand?" he asked excitedly.

"Exactly." Izaya affirmed. He asked Haruto to hand his coat to him and after feeling around in the pockets he pulled out a small bag and placed it onto the table. It was the transparent bag with the pills in it. Shizuo frowned. "I want you two to visit a doctor today at a nearby Hospital and give this bag to him for inspection."

"What the fuck, flea?!" The chair was clattering to the floor from the speed the blonde sprung up from his sitting position yelling.

"Tone down, Shizu-chan." Izaya said with a calm voice.

"You told me that you are not letting them doing dangerous errands!"

"They are only delivering a sample of pills to a doctor. It's safe and simple. Also I already had some business with him."

Shizuo was not convinced at the least. He was scowling angrily. 

"Is this candy?" Haruto asked picking the small bag up. Shizuo paled.

"No, that's narcotics." Izaya replied unabashed. "It's something you shouldn't taste. It's harmful for the body and mind. Also it's highly illegal, so you musn't tell anybody about it or else I'll be in great trouble. Well, unless that doctor you should see." 

That was enough of a warning for the boy to pale a few shades. 

"I don't want Izaya-san to be in trouble!" he proclaimed. "I would be only showing it to the doctor!"

"Good boy. I call the doctor first and inform him about the situation. You only need to give it to him in private."

"I understand. Please leave it to me!" 

Although Haruto was behaving like a spy entrusted by a secret mission, Himari was only eyeing the pills silently with a disgusted expression which was different to her usually stoic countenance. Shizuo was still horrified at the developments. 

"It's still too risky to send out children with fucking drugs in their pocket! You're out of your mind, flea. Why aren't you deliver it yourself?"

"I feel like shit."

"Don't worry, Heiwajima-ojisan. We already helped Izaya-san in so many important tasks in the past. It's a piece of cake compared to them." Haruto reassured him. Only it made Shizuo angry all the more.

"A piece of cake compared to them? Flea! What did you made them to do?!" 

"Easy, Shizu-chan."

"Izaya-san, how can a small pill like this be harmful for the body and mind?" Haruto asked his mentor. He was regarding the pills as they were some kind of biological weapon.

"In everyone's brain, there's a pleasure center transmitting the information of good things and happenings through the nerve-cells. The neurotransmitter dopamine storing the good news or reward travels through the mesolimbic dopamine pathway into a receptor where the sensation of happyness appears. The reason you can take delight in a lot of things is that there's an enzyme which erases the happyness off the receptor after cognition. So you can receive another dopamine storing another information about happyness. Drugs can also travel through your nerve-cell like dopamine and sticking to the receptor and the brain interprets them like the information of happyness. Although the drug molecules are different in size as the dopamine and when the enzyme erases them from the receptor, the enzyme brushes off the receptor too. Hence you will feel happy for less and less things and in the end you cease to take delight in anything ever again." 

Although Izaya explained the mechanism of the reward system in a relatively easy to understand way, it was enough to take a look at the boy creasing his forehead in a confused manner to know that he encountered hardships in comprehension. Shizuo had a similar look on his face.

"I'm not sure I understand the whole thing, but it sounds sad not to feel happy again." he said finally. "Can we go the cinema together after we finished it?"

"The cinema? Again?" Izaya asked back with raising a brow.

"There's that new superhero anime on screen which we really want to watch!" 

" _You_ really want to watch." Himari corrected him. 

"Another superhero anime?" Izaya sighed. "I'm not really into that stuff you know."

"Izaya-san is only into shows for small children like the Hanamaru Kindergarten." Himari offered a cutting remark. 

Izaya glimpsed at the blonde who was listening to their conversation with a stupified expression. 

"I'm not that into it." he commented with an embarrased smirk.

"I see. That's why you are watching it all~ the time." 

It was one of the rare occassions when Izaya blushed from ear to ear. He was feeling uncomfortable wondering what Shizu-chan would be thinking of him at the moment. He eyed Himari with a smirk plastered to his face although his eyes were glaring daggers at her. The stoic looking girl did not seem to be bothered by it. He knew that if he would be pressing the matter further it would be more awkward for him so he decided to divert the conversation.

"Hahaha, okay. I'm not coming to the cinema today, I'm feeling sucked out of energy and my legs hurt today. But you can go watch it after the errand. Now let's speak about exactly where you have to go and who you have to look for."

And with that he was explaining them the details of their 'work'.

******************************

They had to wait for a few days for the results of the narcotics testing. Izaya was in a bad mood and physical condition the whole day that day and Shizuo was more than convinced that it was partially because he dropped him onto the coach. He felt awful for it. All he could do was trying to convince the raven to go and see a doctor, an orthopedician to get an evaluation of his condition. Izaya was very angry when he first brought the topic up and was still unsatisfied and frustrated when the blonde did not drop it. They were quarelling the whole weekend about that and on Thuesday it was still the focal point of their conversations.

"Shinra would also say that you should go through a check-up..."

"I don't care what Shinra would say about this! This is my own decision! End of the conversation."

Shizuo smashed the book he was reading onto the surface of the coffee table, making the wood crack under the pressure. Izaya twitched in his wheelchair although he was on the other side of the room. It also did not make him comfortable that Shizuo seemed to be very angry at him and now were trotting up to him, but thankfully he halted his steps a few couple of centimeters away from him, only looking down at him scowling.

"Don't fucking come up with excuses!" he grumbled "Who asked you to punish yourself for what you did or what you thought? It was not me, I'm sure as hell. And if someone has the right to decide it, then it's me and me alone. So don't punish yourself if I didn't ask for it, dammit!"

Now Izaya was frowning unhappily. Why would Shizu-chan be angry at him recompensing for his own faults. Shizu-chan is not allowed to have a word in it. Is he? The raven was clueless how to feel or what to do.

"Don't you want to move freely again?" Shizuo asked him with a gentle tone at last. "Don't you want to come back to Ikebukuro?"

Izaya averted his eyes not want to answer. But Shizuo continued.

"If you're not fucking my life up and don't stir up trouble... honestly I don't mind if you come back. Ikebukuro went quiet after you left."

A pair of russet eyes looked up at him. Deep and unfathomable, but a glint of something so close to mirth appeared in it.

"Are you missing our chases, Shizu-chan?" he asked playfully.

Shizuo's lips curled around a gentle smile, one Izaya has never been the receiving side of it. It made his heart beating faster and a warm feeling expanded in his chest. He reciprocated the smile before sighing.

"Okay. If you are phrasing it like that how can I refuse you? Who am I to divest you of the pleasure of chasing me around the town again."

The blonde's eyes went wide.

"So you're agreeing to it?" he asked for confirmation.

"I'm still unwilling just to let you know, but if you insist so much, at least I can go for a check-up." 

It sounded like Izaya was yielding to his will. It sounded like he was only doing it for Shizuo, for a new opportunity for the blonde to chase him. And even though Shizuo was certain that he couldn't hurt Izaya willingly, that he would be afraid to throw anything heavy after him fearing that he would hurt the raven physically, he didn't want to tell it to him. Not yet. Not until Izaya can back on his words saying that if they won't be back to their rutin, it has no meaning to get well.

"Anyway..." the raven said "I have an appointment today. We will be going to a cafeteria nearby to meet with someone."

"In connection with the case?"

"I don't know. That's a woman I have never heard about before. She told me that she got my phone number from someone at the police. She want to entrust me with a business."

"The police?" the blonde quirked his eyebrows. "I thought you're avoiding the authorities. Working for the yakuza and all."

"I broadened my scope of activities. Now I have contacts with many places and conducting business irrespectively of the legality of it. My agency is covering every business the police can't do."

"What agency?" Shizuo was clueless. "You're working for an agency now?"

"I'm _directing_ an agency." Izaya specified. It made Shizuo drop his chin.

"What?!"

"It's a versatile agency with a profile doing all kind of jobs disclosing cases which can't be solved by the authorities."

"So it's an illegal one..." Shizuo felt a bit disappointed even though it was something he didn't doubt.

"No, it's legal and registered, although I can't deny that there are some features not align perfectly with legal means."

"Why I'm not surprized..."

Izaya replied with his usual smug smirk.

******************************

The woman who was asking for an appointment with Izaya was in her late forties. She was dressed in a casual blouse and skirt. The only out of the ordinary aspect was that her whole attire was black. Like she was in mourning. She didn't has a make-up nor her hairstyle was anything unusual. Your everyday housewife in mourning. She went to the table they arranged to meet and she was slightly surprized realizing that the man she wanted to meet was so young and was sitting in a wheelchair no less.

"I'm Kurokawa Fumiko." She bowed respectfully before accepting the raven's offer to have a seat. "I'm sorry for asking you out. You are my last hope."

"It's not a problem at all. It's my pleasure to have a business meeting. So you mentioned that you got my contact at the police station..." 

Izaya was smiling confidently and was using polite language. Even though he still didn't know anything about the job, he did not let his lack of knowledge hinder him. He seemed to be a businessman perfectly knowing how the ground lay. Meanwhile he was watching every motion and every expression the woman displayed so he can gain more information about the employer to be.

"Yes." the woman confirmed. "My son has been working for a big company in the recent years. But an 'accident' happened at the laboratory and he died." 

Her voice trembled and tears started to collect in the corner of her eyes. She gulped her still fresh grief down and elaborated.

"It was a cosmetics company with a big laboratory using all kind of herbs and fragrant flowers for their products. My son, Junpei worked in the herb department, he majored at phytochemistry and pharmacognosy. He was such a diligent worforce yet soon after the incident the police closed the case unsolved upon the company's request."

"So they say it was an accident, but you have your doubts?" Izaya asked listening intently to the answer.

"It couldn't be an incident! I'm sure about it! My son... my son was more and more on edge recently and were reading books and examining plants day and night. And... he sent me a text message before going into the lab that evening. He wrote that he thinks he is in trouble but if anything happens to him, I should not look into it no matter what!"

A smirk crept unconsciously upon the raven's lips. This case seemed to be more and more promising.


End file.
